(Would be great if someone who knows about attachment theory in relationships and dating can shed some light. Ik there’s a subreddit for it, but it’s hard to be able to post on there since they have a lot of rules you have to fulfill)
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I’ve learned recently that I’m definitely someone with an anxious preoccupied attachment style. There was a guy that I dated that seemed to be going great until he started pulling back a little after the first few weeks due to some outside stressors.
As an AP (I wasn’t aware of it at the time), my initial and gut reaction was to show my support/opened to communication over text by talking to him like I normally did and chatter on a little bit, but I’m afraid that doing so scared him off entirely. Never heard from him again.
This sounds pointless to ask, but I do wonder. How likely is it that his loss of interest was due to my response during his current state at the time; or the fact that he simply wasn’t interested regardless? People always say “he just wasn’t that into you” as a blanket statement, but it’s not always that black and white – I know that people can also lose interest in an instant if you’re not careful.
I guess if the attachment style thing was really the trigger, he would come back when he wanted to or had the time, not left entirely. Thoughts?
I have no idea if I’m making sense or if more context would help; so PMs are always open.
2 comments
Not quite sure how to put it but you’re over intellectualizing your dating experience.
You’re not going to be more successful at finding a good partner by doing a psychological analysis of it.
He dumped me when we started getting too serious. They develop a pattern of short relationships where as soon as the other party starts to love them hard they panic and convince themselves they don’t want something. If they’re not able to have a plan in place for when they start feeling the urge to pull back or flee then it never ends well. My advice is to not invest time in someone who is avoidant and refuses to work to change that. If they are willing to acknowledge that they are avoidant and are open to talking about when they start feeling off and are open to working through it, then maybe try, but tread lightly or you will know the pain too many of us already do.