We’ve been together nearly 5 years. It’s a mature, healthy relationship. We communicate.
Months ago I’ve brought up how much I feel like this one girl has gone over respectable boundaries when it came to treating other people in a relationship. On my boyfriend’s end, it was purely platonic and he really vibes with her as his friend. I expressed that I respected that, but the girl was too much.
He thought that I was being unreasonable. That this was a new close friend, and that was the way their friendship was, basically. They didn’t even talk regularly, he said. I tried to explain as much as I could that sure, that’s the way it is. But some lines have been crossed and I don’t want that to keep happening. He said that he’ll see what he could do.
I would like to clarify that I don’t feel jealous at the least. I just feel incredibly disrespected. Even his closest girl friends since forever has never acted like this.
I didn’t pursue the topic for a while to let him decide what he wants to do about it. But I do express my annoyance whenever I see that the girl tries to interact with him the way that she does.
That was months ago.
It’s happened again, and I brought up the fact that I was disappointed how he chose to do nothing. He was frustrated and said that he felt like I was going to be like this for every female friend he’s ever going to have. This comment and defensiveness made me feel suspicious. This is the only girl that I’ve felt this way for, and it’s not like I’ve never explained to him very clearly why. What kind of relationship or attachment does he have for her that he keeps reacting this way? He said “nothing”. I believe that, but that makes me think why he still hasn’t done anything about it at all?
TL;DR I am in no way suspecting that they have any kind of romantic relationship. But I do need help in terms of how I will be able to make it clearer for him that I am uncomfortable with the clear disrespect of my boundaries and that it’s non-negotiable for that to change? I’ve tried to communicate my way. Maybe there are better ways
15 comments
What lines have been crossed? What behavior is the problem?
What is she doing? What is the “it’s happened again”? What are the unstated boundaries that she is crossing in your mind?
I’m gonna join the other commenters in asking: what did she do?
not enough info, so imma just say youre overreacting until we know what this friend is doing.
No girl should have as much access to your man as you. If she’s crossing boundaries and he’s allowing it – he’s silently telling you he doesn’t respect you.
I guess the question is: Now that you know you aren’t going to work out simply due to his mindset – how long are you gonna stick around?
That being said, you could also be overreacting.
One your not clear on what she is doing. What has she done? What is he doing to cross a boundary in the relationship? If he is just talking to her then that’s nothing.
What exactly is she doing?
What boundaries had she gone over?
What are the lines that are being crossed?
Is this female friend also the “ex that’s perfect for him?”
>I would like to clarify that I don’t feel jealous at the least.
It’s ok to be jealous, but it certainly doesn’t seem like you don’t “feel jealous at the least.”
I’ve just looked at your other posts, and you’ve been unhappy in this relationship for a long time. You’re also extremely jealous, including blowing up at him for having slept with another woman when you two had broken up.
>and it’s not like I’ve never explained to him very clearly why
Do you mind explaining to us? What kind of behavior are we talking about here?
This post is ass lmao
I feel like we need more information to be able to help, what is she doing, what has he done to handle this and how have you tried communicating your boundaries before/what was said? Etc
Edit: After looking through your previous posts, this relationship is toxic and needs to end immediately. It’s time to move on or you will be stuck in this mess over and over. You are so young, and you shouldn’t waste your time on this guy. I genuinely think the best course of action is to break up (not in person, I know breaking up over phone is a dick move but it seems when you guys try to break up you end up having relations and feeding this unhealthy attachment) cut contact completely, delete the photos the songs the social media posts etc, CRY IT OUT!!! HARD! It’ll hurt like HELL but it’ll hurt worse in the long wrong if you stay, and see a therapist because it does seem you have trust, jealousy, lack self confidence amongst other things that you should deal with professionally before entering another relationship to avoid this toxic cycle again.
Edit 2: also I think this unhealthy toxicity and attachment problem goes both ways, so I would if possible make sure he can’t access you in any way in person like if he shows up to your house have a plan in place so you don’t let him in and fall in the same cycle