TL;DR I might be in love with my best friend but I’m not sure. Should I keep it to myself or talk it out with them?
We’ve been really close friends since we met around 10 years ago. I’ve crushed on them off and on over the years (which they know about) but now I think I might be fr in love? I’m hesitant to trust my gut about how I feel because I have hormone imbalances and nervous system problems so feelings feel really big when I realize what’s going on. Historically I get really flustered and act impulsively when I realize I have a crush on someone. Gay panic? I’m trying to sit on the feelings for a bit because I’m so afraid of ruining our awesome friendship.
I’m in a transient period of my life right now. I’m about to move in with my parents so I can get my ducks in a row and move into the next chapter of my life. I’ve been ruminating on my priorities and trying to figure out what’s best for me. After finally getting to see my friend for the first time in a while, I really want to have more flexibility to travel and see them. They live across the country now (US) and I’ve been too broke to make the trip to visit since they left so I’ve only been able to wait for them to come here (i still live in our hometown). Every time they leave it gets emotionally harder to watch them go.
I recently ended a 5 year relationship and being single really changes your mindset I guess. Even while I was with my ex I sometimes thought about how I might be in love with my friend. But since becoming single it’s been on my mind a lot. I’m also afraid that because I’m relatively fresh off that relationship, I could just be lonely and miss my friend. Maybe my lonelyness is manifesting into feelings that seem to me like infatuation. I’m not really desperate to get into another relationship or anything like that though.
I’d like to think that if I confessed and it wasn’t reciprocated or it didn’t work out that we would remain best friends regardless. I trust them. But a long time ago I was in a similar situation and had a really gnarly outcome with a (different) good friend. I confessed, he didn’t feel the same way, and we were never the same. It was hard for me to get over the rejection and he totally distanced himself then. So I guess I’m struggling to juggle the trauma and the uncertainty and the feelings.
I’m feeling a ton of positive emotions as well. I’m really happy because I’ve realized/remembered my priority in life which is “spend as much time as reasonably possible making memories with my friends and family.” And the thing is, seeing my friend again has really ignited this fire in me to make that happen.
Other than family, I’ve never felt so much love for a person in my life. When we’re together I get butterflies and I just want to hug them nonstop and hang off them and never let go. And when they spent the night at my house we were all over eachother, nothing sexual, just cuddling and we slept in the same bed like sardines (this is not unusual behavior for us). Which totally recharged my batteries to like 200%. Ontop of all that for the first time they came out as a sexuality including my gender while they were here…
I’m not sure I truly understand the difference between Platonic and romantic love which is probably the driving factor that’s making this so hard for me to figure out. I would be totally ok with us staying best friends forever as long as they stayed in my life. So I’m hesitant to bring this up. Is it worth it? We’re so close already it’s almost like we’d just be changing the label on our relationship. Do I confess? Or do I just enjoy my BFF as my BFF?
1 comment
Wait a month to make sure and heal yourself from your relationship, but if the feelings are still there after that, definitely tell them. From my experience, platonic love is a comfortable experience where I want to be around them and talk to them, whereas romantic love makes my heart want to burst out of my chest, makes me want to touch them, kiss them, all that. They are very different feelings! Trust your gut.