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He (44m) was my (27f) college professor exactly eight years ago and the truth is that I had a huge crush on him. I always tried to get his attention and get a reaction from him but he was always respectful and never crossed any lines. I think the most he did was give me a book for my birthday because I was the person who got the best grades in his class, and he always used to give something to the person who got the best grades.
To this day, I and my former classmates remember him as the best teacher we’ve ever had, he was attentive, intelligent, kind and very very funny, but like all good things it didn’t last long because he moved and had to quit his job and we never saw him again.
Last year I found him, after searching for years, on social media and impulsively decided to send him a message. He answered me a few days later apologizing for having taken so long and told me that it was because he was in the process of moving again (he moved here again) And I don’t know why, but I asked him if he would like to have a coffee when the move was over, I also told him that if his wife was against it, there was no problem with him declining the invitation, and the truth is that we never knew if he was married, I only said that in case but he told me that he wasn’t married and accepted my invitation.
We met again and I discovered that I really enjoyed his company, that I also liked his way of being, and above all that I still had that crush that I thought was temporary. After that first kind of “date” we had many more and I really enjoyed each of them, and I know he did too because he told me so after we kissed for the first time. He also told me that he wouldn’t rush things because it wasn’t the best, so even a year after meeting again we haven’t shared anything more than a few kisses. And to me that means so much because all the men I met over the years were only looking to satisfy their own needs and didn’t even try to pretend to be interested in me as a person. And with him it’s different. He makes it clear that he’s sexually attracted to me but he doesn’t force things and makes an effort to get to know me. We can spend hours talking about anything and he always listens to me attentively as if I were saying the most interesting thing in the world, and I know I probably sound pathetic but after so many bad experiences that means a lot to me.
A few days ago he gave me a beautiful necklace for my birthday and sent me a giant bouquet of tulips to my apartment and when I received the flowers I was with my family, and of course they wanted to know who gave me the necklace and the flowers and I told them everything, and I wish I hadn’t.
They started saying that I was probably dating him when I was in college and that’s why I got good grades, and hearing them say that hurt me so much, because I always did everything to show them that I’m intelligent and capable of doing everything that they tell me I can’t do but they don’t care, they always treat me like I’m stupid. I tried to ignore them and I just told them that none of that is true and that even if they don’t like it, I’m going to continue seeing him and of course they got really mad. And the argument ended with me kicking them out of my apartment because I didn’t want them to ruin my day.
And I decided that the best thing would be to go low contact for a while and put my energies into seeing if that kind of relationship with my former professor works. Am I being irrational and would doing that jeopardize my relationship with my family? Can a relationship like the one I have with him ever work?
*EDIT:* For all those wondering, maybe I’m the problem, because every time he tries to initiate sex I reject him, or when he talks about how he would like us to get serious and be able to meet my family I always tell him that it is best to wait. He introduced me to all his friends and his brother and sister in law (and his mom through a video call) and he is not ashamed to share things about us on his social media, but for some reason I’m scared to have sex with him, and I know it’s because I’m scared that after using me he’ll leave me. I mean I was used a lot in the past by men who considered me too interesting to have sex with and too boring to stay and get to know me better, and I know it sounds pathetic but those experiences really damaged and marked me. I know that I’m probably boring and that’s why the only man I connected with was one who is over 40 but I want to have a stable relationship and I want to make it work. And maybe now I see that I’m not acting in the right way and I’m not treating him as I should but I’m gonna fix it, thank you for your comments.