I went with my mum shopping today for some essentials. The pharmacy that she wanted to go to was inside a mall and today, since its Sunday and Christmas is coming, the place was full of people. Our plan was to get some cat food from the nearby store, but then she said lets cross the road to go to this pharmacy. I complied. Once there, I know we were looking for stuff but at some point she was taking too long reading the ingredients and things and I just started to get impatient for some reason. And then when we got to the cash register the lady (pharmacist) wanted to recommend her some other variants for the collagen things she wanted to get, which were far more expensive (the pills we were originally getting were 30, and these ones, vials or whatever were 150) so i tried to flag her bc i just feel like she was being influenced to buy more expensive stuff and I just felt like we didnt have the money to do so. We are kinda middle class, and shes got her own money I know, but for some reason I just thought that the 150 version was far too expensive for todays budget so i told her lets go find something else. We found the same thing but in gummy version for much less, like 40 or smth, and we got that. And then after we got out, still, a lot of people around. She wanted to get coffee, I know she wants to spend time with me, mom-daughter, but at the time I just kinda snapped and told her that I really dont like that she’s letting herself be easily influenced by marketing and that I thought we dont have that kind of money. I am frugal, a lot more frugal than she is, and I actually hate this about myself. So as we were going up the floors to a coffee shop i didnt really say a word to her, got to the coffee stand and then she asked me “what you getting?” And i said “i dont really want anything from here, I’m waiting for you” and she said that “well if you’re not getting anything, there’s no point”. I know I made her upset and I really felt like a shitty person. Anyway we started walking back to the car and and i thought i was gonna take her to a cafe closer to our hose thats not really that crowded. I did and we had coffee and a good time there because there were only s few people around. Took pictures with her and everything. She’s trying to bound with me again, I know, I can see it. I want that too, but over the past few years the connection between us kinda died, I don’t know why. But i think today the fact that it was so crowded everywhere affected me mentally. Like, when we were at the mall I could feel my heart beat getting faster and I also felt getting more impatient and angry. I just went into autopilot mode till we got back to the car.
Why is this happening to me? I don’t want to be like this. Did I have a panic attack? Why did I shut down? How do I calm down?