As the title said, I’ve been in a relationship with my current girlfriend for over 4 years, things have been going so well. We met in college and we originally were best friends before we decided to start dating. Which to some of you might be a bit of a red flag, but that’s just how I’m wired, I’ve been burned before and don’t really like someone until I really get to know them; which to me only comes from friendship first. I probably put myself up to fail I guess, but we’ve been dating for a while now, we moved in and things have been going great, or I guess so I thought. Yesterday, she admitted to me that she sees me more as a friend and not as a boyfriend and wants to take some time to figure stuff out. She came to our house that we share with some roommates and grabbed some stuff to spend a few days with her parents. I didn’t really want to talk to her because I didn’t want to panic and then say something stupid or something that I would regret. I struggle with depression and anxiety and today was an especially bad day filled with panic attacks and honestly just had me feeling down in the dumps. I’d really like to work things out between us as I really envisioned a future with her. Call it cheesy, call it whatever but I thought she was the one. We’ve been a little distant as of lately, due to our jobs (I recently got a new one so that I could spend less time stressed out all the time and more time with her, it has better pay/vacation time too so I can afford the time to spend on vacations with her and her family. But idk, maybe it’s a lost cause at this point and I should just call it quits, maybe it’s just young love and I should get over it, idk. One thing that kind of irked me is when she came back she suggested that I move back to where my family is and that she’s closer with our roommates and doesn’t have anywhere else to live, besides her parents and doesn’t want to lose the house. I’ve lived here for about 3 years now and I just got a new job nearby that is partially in person, partially WFM, so I can’t really do that, I might be able to work something out, but I’m only starting soon, so I’m not sure how much leeway I have. Also the field that I want to be in, there’s a lot more opportunities where I currently live than where my family is. Idk, any advice any of the people of the internet have would be sound, honestly if nobody replies, I wouldn’t be surprised, I made a throwaway account I guess to just put the situation in words as I’m still feeling on the edge of a panic attack.
TL:DR
GF friendzoned me and basically asked me to move out of where we live together.
5 comments
I would see if she would still like to be friends to help cope with the break up.
could be cheating. Kind of a classic cope out right there. Do you have a discreet way to find out if she is actually at her parents? Has she started staying at work later and going out with friends more?
If not you just need to give her the space she has asked for. Did she give you a time line on how long she needs?
I don’t really understand you said she left to go to her parents, when did she return? When did she break up with you? If she hasn’t returned from her parents then why does she want you to move out of the apartment??
As to the relationship, it seems like the issue is entirely on her end, and there isn’t much you can really do about that.
As to your living situation, I would be upfront and tell her that moving back to where your family is isn’t really possible with your job situation. I would also tell her that you’re both grown adults and despite possibly no longer being in a relationship, that you should both be mature enough to continue living together until a better living situation can be arranged.
We all change(d) so much in our 20’s, and sometimes you simply grow apart. I think she is just headed off in a different direction, not much you can do there.
Regarding where you are living, she doesn’t get to do that. She doesn’t get to one day tell you she lost romantic interest, and then tell you to move outbof the place you’ve been in for 3 years. No. That is simply not her choice. If anything, she is making the life change she should be the one to move. If she owned the place obviously it would be different, but she doesn’t.
Wish you the best, sorry this happened!