My girlfriend(29F) and I(31M) are best friends and we’ve known each other for a long long time. We got into a relationship a year ago and recently we started discussing marriage and on paper, both of us know that we are a perfect match. Our personalities, values, and goals pretty much perfectly align. But there’s a catch. I’m just not madly in love with her although I do love(I mean affection) her and that’s giving me second thoughts.
That’s pretty much it, but a little more context:
I’ve been in relationships where I was head over heels for the other person. And I experienced that that kinda love usually makes you lose yourself (in a kinda bad way) and usually just lasts a few months. But all of those loves ended before turning into long-term relationships. So, that feels like a void that needs to be filled but I don’t want to get stuck in a “grass is greener cycle” chasing something unrealistic or even a temporary high.
Coming to my relationship with my girlfriend, She is the bestest best friend I ever had. I could do any boring shit with her and it’s suddenly super fun. We love each other’s presence and have a lot of affection for each other, shit, I even have butterflies of joy sometimes when I’m with her. She may not be conventionally super attractive but I really think she’s hot, if that’s relevant. She’s my biggest cheerleader and I love her so much. But the thing is I don’t have this head over heels kinda attraction towards her, which I know she has towards me.
The worst thing is, after getting into the relationship I’ve been catching myself looking(just looking) at other girls, having a momentary attraction, and again wondering if I’m settling. And I feel so shitty about this. All the learning from previous relationships and all the knowledge about the nature of love/infatuation, are these thoughts never gonna stop?
I’ve also been thinking about this rule of “Fuck Yes, or no”(popularized by Mark Manson). And If I have to live by it I shouldn’t marry my best friend coz I’m not fuck yes about marrying her. But I think it’s a really good yes. I fear giving up on this amazing lady and being stuck in this vicious cycle of “grass is greener”.
So people with sagely wisdom and people in happy marriages, help me. Is it natural to feel all these doubts before marriage or were all of you “fuck yes” before deciding to marry? Or am I wrongly comparing being “fuck yes” with being head over heels for someone which barely lasts a few months?