Has anyone else lost motivation and meaning in their 30s, and how did you get it back?

15 comments

1. That’s called “depression.”

   EDIT: And “alcoholism.”

2. Switching my therapist to someone more modern that accepts recent data showing psychedelics are amazing at curing mental illness/depression.

   That person got me on the Spravato protocol, which is basically just Ketamine.

   PHQ9 went from 19 -> 7.

   Honestly talk therapy didn’t work really for me either.

3. I don’t really have any advice, but the world post-pandemic era seems pretty universally shitty, so you are just one of likely millions of people who feel this exact way. Like, whatever meager thread of hope and optimism people were clinging onto to keep going seems to have been demolished, and it’ll be a while before we all recover. So it’s not necessarily you. A large amount of things are objectively worse since pre-covid and yeah it’s really not surprising at all there are so many people utterly depressed and hopeless. I could go on and on, lots more to say…only advice I can offer is to pray. Keep doing what brings you joy as much as you can. Try to hone in on what it is you feel like your calling & purpose might be, and move slowly in that direction…

4. You guys had meaning?

5. The light goes out around 30. It doesn’t come back.

6. If you’re fat or out of shape, start by losing weight and exercising. If you are depressed, that will help a lot. Outside of that, you gotta find a purpose outside of yourself. if there’s one thing I’ve learned as a guy getting older, being by yourself and having all the toys in the world doesn’t mean shit. I’m actually quite content living in a one bedroom apartment with my dog rather than owning a house, because when I was living in a house, all the space I had actually made me more sad. My point though is if you’ve given up on dating or having a family, or having a significant other, I think you should keep trying because have said things would help immensely. I know it’s easier said than done and I don’t have kids or family myself, but you gotta try. Having a family of my own won’t fix all the things I feel inside myself, but I think it will help more than I can even put into words. In essence, what is life without problems? Fix what’s right in front of you, create another problem, and fix that, and so on and so forth.

7. I quit drinking.

8. 35-43 for me was what I call the tunnel with no light at the end phase. It was the hardest part of my life for sure. I just felt every day that I was on a treadmill. That there was no light and it felt like I was going to do that forever. For me the change was all mindset. At 43 I stopped drinking and fixed my diet. I started to focus more on me. I started running when I never thought I would run seriously again. And today my view of the world is much brighter. The light was there after all. I just had to turn on the switch.

   I can’t tell you how to find it because we all have to do the work. For me I just hit a low point in my health, life, etc and realized I needed to change, or it was only going to get worse. So i focused on small things that would make the most difference like quitting drinking alcohol and changing my diet to start losing weight. The worst is a negative mindset. I am old. I am broken. They are just excuses. I decided my fate was my own and I wasn’t going to allow the world to dictate to me what that is. So i started trusting my own intuition in what I wanted and did that. But again no one can give you a handbook. You have to look inwards and figure out what is best for you. And don’t listen to people who say things like “it is over at 30/40” that is a choice.

9. For me I had to go back to basics. I tried to evolve and change as I got older. It turns out all the things I was really into in my early 20s is the same stuff I’m into now.

   For example I ran away from blue collar work and find myself in an office hating what I do. I enjoy working with my hands, why the fuck did I ever stop?

   Same for how I enjoy hanging out. I used to enjoy being at dive bars as I could relate to everyone very easily. Why the fuck do I keep going to these upscale places where I don’t fit in?

   A lot of my stresses have been financial. So I FINALLY figured out a career change that can get me some decent coin. I find myself very excited for the future now.

10. I don’t understand why you have to give up on wife and kids in your 30s if that’s what you want.

    Also people misread the nihilism thing all the time. Nietzsche wasn’t saying that life was devoid of meaning and purpose and morals, he was saying life inherently lacks those things and it’s up to the individual to create that for themselves through things like art and beauty.

11. I dont recommend my path, but this is my story. I started as an electrical engineer. I worked for four years. My purpose was to make enough money to raise a family. Well, I had the money. So, I kept trying to date, but I got no dates. Then to make matters worse, my job was a living hell of stress, office politics, and such. Every morning, I woke up wanting to commit suicide. I was planning out ways to do it and all that. Life seemed bleak.

    Eventually, It reached a head when I sat in my office, and I couldnt do any work. No amount of willpower could be mustered to move my fingers on the keyboard. Then I took a big step back mentally, and I decided that trying to make little tweaks and changes in my life, trying to meditate, change jobs, change industries, or change locations, etc was not anywhere near enough. If I kept going on my path, I would not live long. I already met 3 engineers who had heart attacks and strokes from the stress. I met another who went to the padded room in a straight jacket. All were in their 50s.

    So, I quit. I bought a van, and I became a janitor. I did that for 1.5 years. Then I became a night shift hotel maint man. Then I met my now wife online. So, I moved to Ibdonesia and became an English teacher. I basically did whatever seemed interesting at the time because I figured I would die young if I stayed in Engineering anyway.

    Now, I have a wife and a kid in Indonesia. I teach English. On the side I teach English to poor people who cannot afford me. I am teaching my neighbor English. When she learns it, she will be able to be an air traffic controller, work in starbucks, work in Bali, join the military, do international business, and so much more that she cannot do without it. I have meaning in life now.

12. I did, when everyday was the same. I took up paramotoring as it was my dream to fly and I can’t afford a plane. It has opened up my world and I’ve had more fun these last few years of my life, than the last 35 of them.

13. Yes

14. focus on yourself, travel a lot. at least for me i saw a lot of things i want to see and pursue outside my homeland

15. > I don’t have a wife or kids and frankly it seems like I’m about at the age where I need to give up on that, not that it’s anything you can get with any amount of hard work anyways. I have my house and a car, really no goals to work for besides “more stuff.”

    I’m right there with you man. Here too:

    > they seem to just keep asking me what my goals are, and when I say I don’t have any, the conversation stalls.

    My goals are things I only have limited control over, like having a family of my own. But even if I do everything “right” – socialize, meet new people, stay in shape, etc. – I still can’t decide who I happen to meet and when.