I (27F) have a gut feeling and proof that my boyfriend (33M) of 2 years is inappropriate with other women. Prior to being in a relationship, he’d go through my phone while sleeping and wake me up to question me about what he had found in my phone. There were conversations with other men, but it was very surface level. We had agreed to exclusively date and I hadn’t set that boundary. Although there wasn’t anything inappropriate being discussed, I took responsibility for not setting those boundaries. Once we got into a relationship, it continued and he found things from prior to us even meeting. I don’t delete anything. It just isn’t a thought of mine even if I don’t plan to revisit a person. After that, I deleted everything prior to meeting my boyfriend to avoid anything else. I think he eventually got the feeling that I was completely turned off by this cycle and he lightened up a lot.
\#1- Over the past year, I have noticed that sometimes if I come around he exits out of what he was doing on his phone. It was odd, but he never gave me a reason to not trust him. #2- I noticed him leaving inappropriate comments on a woman’s photos. I asked him about it and he said they were light hearted comments he was making and she is his friend- a friend I can’t recall him mentioning. #3- I did snoop on his computer and saw A LOT of porn in his browser history that dated back to over a year. This was only alarming to me because he talked about how he did not agree with too much porn being consumed due to it altering your expectations when it comes to sex with your partner. It was also concerning because prior to discovering the porn, I would throw out there that he took a while to get aroused, stay aroused, and even finish (I even sometimes questioned if he finished). He would make it a point how sex in a relationship is important pretty often while pregnant. Now after having the baby, we rarely have sex and he no longer voices those concerns. #4- I went through his Facebook messages. I have done so once a few weeks ago and realized he deletes them often. When I went through them this morning, there were conversations with women, but nothing concerning except one. A woman must’ve posted something venting about her partner and he responded along the lines of “just let him creampie you”. I was disgusted for many reasons. If he had found that in my phone, I can’t imagine his reaction. I would also never talk to any of my male friends in that way in regards to their partner. I can’t help but think about the porn I found on his computer. It comes off as him bridging porn and reality with someone else.
I want to definitely bring this up to him, but I’m not sure how. He takes pride in never physically cheating, but has admitted to emotionally cheating and having conversations with women he shouldn’t have had. Outside of everything he is a really great dad and provider for our family. I also know that men can treat you like the apple of their eye and still have wandering eyes. How should I handle this situation?
TL;DR Boyfriend has been communicating with other women inappropriately and consumes a lot of porn which has impacted me in our relationship. He doesn’t know that I know these things about him and I’m not sure how to bring it up.