Hi ya’ll,
I’m a 21M, senior in college. In terms of dating history, I had a relationship of 1.5 years and got emotionally cheated on and was dropped for someone else by my ex not even a month after we broke up. I developed severe anxiety through that breakup, likely creating my anxious attachment.
I didn’t seriously look to date for about a year after that breakup. Worked hard on myself, gained 40 pounds in the gym cause I had lost so much weight, and although it’s cliché, used the pain I endured to become a better and more confident version of myself. It’s an incredible feeling to get to the point where you’re grateful for what you went through. I’m at that point and have put that ex behind me. But the anxiety with dating still lingers…
Fast-forward to today, I fell for one of my close girlfriends this semester in the fall. We went out for a month and a half, built fantastic chemistry, had great dates. This felt like the first time I had built a solid friendship as a foundation towards a pending relationship. “Date your best friend,” all those sought-after relationship styles. It felt right. It felt good. I was excited.
She was honest with me as we went out about how she has trouble discerning her feelings. She has never been in a relationship before or had many things with guys. But, she gave me the confidence to keep things going because she always reciprocated interest through her actions and she always expressed enjoyment of spending time together. But, after 1.5 months, she was unable to firmly state she had feelings for me. At this point I was pretty burnt out on planning dates and putting effort in if she wasn’t going to be able to get there emotionally. It was sad but we decided to end things. No hard feelings. Mainly just confusion.
Keep in mind, I see this girl everyday, so we continued to interact regularly after we ended things. I decided I’d leave the door open, continue to flirt with her to help her realize what we have. She never got upset/annoyed that I was being persistent. And *voila*. She comes back after another month and a half to confess that she has really thought about things and that she likes me and wants to make things work. This is all I had wanted. We were both excited. Things never had been toxic after the initial breakup. I could tell her intentions were genuine and that she had really thought things out.
This happened about 3 weeks ago. Sadly, as we start getting back into it/going out again, I developed severe anxiety about the situation. Something didn’t feel right. I thought our interactions were off. I figured it would pass because we were getting used to it again but the anxiety became debilitating. I was extremely nervous to see her or spend time with her. I finally decided to trust my gut and call things off because things didn’t feel right.
l felt relief from my anxiety but now have been left with pure sadness. Why couldn’t I feel good about things. This had seemed like everything I wanted. I felt *good* about it initially. I got the girl back. But then I spiraled. And I have no idea why. I miss her and truly wanted things to work out. But I knew I couldn’t live with this consistent, gut wrenching feeling. I feel like a mess with relationships. I’m hoping if I can figure things out then maybe I can talk with her again and see where things go. But at what point do you just call it? Things just didn’t work out? Right person wrong time? Idk. Any advice is appreciated and if you read all of this bless you!