My (24f) boyfriend (28m) have been dating 6 months now.
I have done absolutely everything to reassure my boyfriend that I am where I say I am, what I’m doing, who I’m talking to, who texted me, who I just got off the phone with, why I’m wearing what I’m wearing, etc. Everything is a question and I have to be on my P’s and Q’s during every moment we interact. It’s becoming a chore now. It gives me such bad anxiety now. Instead of waking up looking forward to talking to my boyfriend, I’m not anymore.
I just woke up from a nap, and now I’m being bombarded by questions like:
“What are you doing?”
“Where have you been?”
“Why?”
“Are you sure you don’t hate me?”
“Are you sure you love me?”
“What are you doing right now?”
“Okay…you’re not cheating on me are you?”
“There’s nobody else in your life, right?”
“You’d tell me if you were cheating on me, right?”
“I saw that you left your house, but you didn’t tell me….that’s kind of suspicious.”
“Oh you went to the store? Why? See anybody there?”
“If I ever find out you’re cheating on me…”
“If you ever did me dirty, I can promise you you’re never coming back into my life.”
Mind you, this is everyday. Every minute of every day.
Not once have I made this man feel like I am a cheater. He has full access to my phone, accounts, not once have I been unfaithful. And I’ve tried to prove to him on several occasions that I am true to him…
But the fact that I have to answer a billion questions is making me withdraw from this relationship, and quite frankly I’m becoming resentful.
I can’t even have a constructive conversation with my boyfriend, because he just wants to know what I’m doing, who I’m talking to, and why every second of the day.
He made me download Life360 so he could see where I was at, which I did. That wasn’t a problem at all. But the fact that he keeps tabs on me, and where I’m at is super weird and I feel like it’s controlling.
Anytime I don’t respond to a text or miss the first call, he rings and texts me back to back to back until I answer… and has a sour attitude when I answer because I didn’t beforehand. Even if I just got done taking a nap…then proceeds to ask questions upon questions upon questions as stated above. The same, everyday, every minute, I am asked questions instead of:
“How was your nap?” “Did you sleep well?”
“How did your day go?”
Now that would be nice to wake up to, but instead I’m talked to like I have already cheated or been unfaithful in some way.
I have never cheated, he has full access to my phone and my accounts. He can see everything.
Even goes as far as to look through the likes in my pictures and if any guys like my photo, I have to answer to that.
He made me unfriend several of my guy friend on social media. Genuine friends that I’ve had for years. People who have helped me out of a deep depression.
He gets upset when I choose to hang out with my best friend (f), which I don’t see anymore because he wants me at his house all the time…and when I want to go home to see my family, or my cat, he makes me feel bad. I keep trying to reassure him that it’s not because I don’t want to be around him (which is starting to become true), I just want to see my family like he gets to every single day. His attitude towards the situation is very “woe is me” I guess you would say. “If you don’t want to be around me, you can just tell me.” He says stuff like this all the time, but I just want to be with my family as well. Just like he gets to.
I know he wants to spend time with me, and I really appreciate that, but I think he wants to spend a little TOO much time with me, and the fact that he makes me feel bad about not being around him is making me want to distance myself further.
I don’t know what to do, and I’m in need of some real advice. I feel like I’m falling down a hole, is this abusive in some way? Is this him being super super controlling? I know he has some insecurity issues, obviously. I really love him, and I don’t want to end things, I just want things to change. It’s making me super depressed and withdrawn from this relationship. I’m becoming resentful, Even if he does ask me about my day, it gives me anxiety because I wonder if I’ll have to answer a thousand more questions about me cheating, which again, I have reassured him on all aspects, and have never cheated on him.
How do I set some boundaries before it’s too late?
TL,DR clingy and controlling boyfriend