For some background, my (22F) boyfriend (22M) have been together for over three years now. We really do get along great, are able to express our love languages, and have grown a lot as a couple. However, as much as it pains me to say this, I feel as though the individual growth is one sided and it brings me a lot of anxiety about our future. It seems as though we are in two completely different stages in life, and if I even remotely try to bring it up, it does hurt him so I tend to avoid it at all costs despite me thinking it’s an important conversation.
Some reasons as to why I believe we are in two different stages include: I will be getting my bachelors degree this year, while he is still trying to get his high school diploma. He’s been working on it for 3 years now, and can’t start at a trade school without it. He has no self discipline when it comes to working, considering his job is lax, and with what seems like at least one day a week missed, he tends to have little money. I am sometimes shocked when he pays for dinner sometimes. I am ready to start moving out of my parents house (I have been paying tuition out of pocket which is the reason why I have not yet) and start moving up in life, yet for all the stated reasons above, it isn’t plausible with him right now unless I take over everything. It’s starting to look like it won’t happen for a while, and I’ve had to lie to everyone in my life about what he’s doing with his life.
This may sound like resentment and I’m aware of that, but I don’t want to feel resentment towards him. I see myself growing and starting a family with him, but I don’t want to carry him. I want him to walk beside me. As I already stated, I’ve brought this up maybe a couple of times and I feel like the bad guy. I’m not asking him to suddenly be making 6 figures or to even go to college after, but it’s about to be summer and I don’t think he’s even close to getting his diploma.
My heart aches at the thought of leaving him, because it’s supposed to be him. I want it to be him. I just really don’t know what to do or where to go since no one in my life knows about this, and I refuse to say anything to save his face and per his request. I guess what I’m asking is what other people would do or feel if they were in a situation such as mine, and actually truly loved them and wanted them to succeed.