UPDATE: partner reversed his Vasectomy without telling me

46 comments

1. Tell him to request his medical records then.

2. ***No***.

   This is some really shady shit. Trust your gut.

3. You didn’t have sex for 2 weeks?

   Girl, not to put thoughts in your head, but he could have been cheating and gotten something he had to take meds for

4. He’s lying.

   Dump him, seems like an obvious dealbreaker.

5. You don’t trust him, and rationally, you shouldn’t. His story makes little sense. It’s extremely unlikely he is telling the truth.

   You will probably never figure out what happened here exactly. He may not be self-aware enough to even be able to tell you, and at this point he can’t be believed anyways. He has lied. For sure. You just can’t be sure about what or for what reasons, but you can be sure he lied and that he was not concerned for you — your informed consent or basic respect — when he did it.

   Pity him whatever he is going through that makes him unable to be a respectful, honest partner to you — but then accept he is not that. And get rid of him. He is lying about fertility, contraception and health. He’s a risk you cannot afford.

6. I am an actual physician. He’s lying through his fucking teeth.

   The day of the procedure you’re unable to pickup anything heavy. There is significant swelling and pain for the first day and usually a little swelling for atleast 1-2 days more after the first.

   “I didn’t feel anything because the needle was thin”… Lol. No that’s not how it works. Even without scalpel, they either snip and tie off or snip and cauterize or a combination. You require local anesthesia injections that will definitely be painful because they are deep injections. You’ll also feel a decent amount of pain swelling and discomfort for several days. The actual procedure will show 2 tiny scars that are palpable to the touch when washing yourself.

   There is also a HUGE amount of pre visit instructions and emails for pre-op and post op prep.

   There is absolutely no way in hell he doesn’t have documentation because it would make the hospital liable.

   Let me put it this way. The hospital will email you, text you and send you home with packets of information because Pre-op is taken VERY seriously and so is Post-op. They dont give a fuck about your level of embarrassment… they need to cover their ass legally.

   “I’m so embarrassed I forgot to get documentation” lol, no.

   If he truly got a vasectomy he could literally get documentation within minutes whether from his email or old text reminders or calling the hospital in front of you.

   You don’t just “get a vasectomy” either. There is always a pre op visit consultation with a physician. He would have emails or texts from his appointments.

   It would specifically show “Urologist.”

   Looking at this as someone in the medical field this is such an obvious lie it’s comical.

   You must have someone in the medical field you trust?? A nurse, a physician assistant, another doctor. Show them your post and then my comment.

   Ask them if they agree lol.
   Reading this all I can think in my mind is…. “Oh god….”

7. There would be a small stitch. It’s not a large wound but it does have to be cut open a little and stitched back. And it’s usually only one week of no ejaculation, not 2. I dunno even if it’s true, that’s some impulsive behavior and that would probably be enough to break up.

8. He’s just a liar. Do not have sex with him.

9. He’s gaslighting you!!! Run away! Stop being nice and cut it short.

10. Snip snap, snip snap.

11. I’m not convinced the NHS would do one on somebody so young with no children, he’s lying.

12. Dude. Cmon. You know he’s lying about something, and likely, everything. Why waste your time on him? It makes no sense.

13. No sex for two weeks and problems downstairs? Sounds like he received treatment for an STD and didn’t want you to catch it and realize he’s cheating

14. Absolutely no chance a 19yo is getting a vasectomy on the NHS.

15. i didnt want to reiterate my own experience but i met a guy i hit it off with months ago and he on one off conversation mentioned to me he was snipped. I was concerned about getting sexually intimate with him and was doing the birth control talk. I decided to go on the pill. Later at some point months after we have been intimate he started getting worried where he finished on me, in one phone call made a comment or snide remark about “it would suck if I got pregnant” during me doing online schooling. ??? I have no idea how to react to any of this did I just sleep with a guy that lied about being snipped or is he trying to get me pregnant. I think your guy is lying his ass off and hoping you guys have an oopsie. Huge red flags.

16. My husband just had a vasectomy. It was the cutting but he’s still got ball ache 2 weeks later and not his usual self in the bedroom & has an incision

17. Fiction? Your original post had your ages switched.

18. “Urologists recommend testing at least twice following a vasectomy procedure. Urologists recommend testing your semen quantity at least twice following a vasectomy procedure, generally at 60 and 90 days post surgery, and once a year afterwards for ongoing checkups to ensure you are no longer fertile.”

19. There are two different lies here: first, he lied to you about where he was going on the day (did you say he said it was about housing?) and then later, for some unknown reason, he decided to lie again about it and this time he came up with a real whopper about a vasectomy that couldn’t possibly be true. So, the first time, he was obviously going somewhere he didn’t want you to know about and that’s why he lied. Think about where he might go and not want you to know about it, my guess is either another girl or something drug-related. The second one, in all honesty, sounds to me like a totally unnecessary attempt to make you think highly of him: “he loves me so much he got his vasectomy reversed!” and he perhaps then had the wizard wheeze to try to use that to cover for the previous lie because he could tell you hadn’t believed him the first time. Really think about this. He’s doing things he doesn’t want you to know about, he’s lying repeatedly to cover up that fact, and then when you’ve called him out on it, he’s doubled down on the lie to the point where it seems you actually are still half believing him. This is not a man who is a good option long-term. He is showing you with his lies and his actions that he does not care about you enough to be truthful. Don’t ignore that.

20. Lmao yeah ol boy is lying. I recommend breaking up with him.

21. Husband had the vasectomy done. It was still surgery with preop appointments and labs, some pain and recovery after, besides the follow ups to check the sperm count for weeks then a couple of months after. He’s lying and you’re too focused on the why. More importantly, you’re being lied to but you don’t seem angry enough.

22. >He seems very very genuine.

    *<cough>*

    Why in the hell would you have, or continue to have, anything to do with a “partner” who you can’t even trust about matters such as their statements regarding whether or not they’ve had a vasectomy … or a reversal! And … reversals are rare … and expensive – generally not covered by insurance – typically around $20,000 USD … and … he’s 19? You think he’s got that kind’a extra cash to use for a reversal? And … can’t remember name of clinic? At a price like that? Yeah, sounds like he’s telling a whole lot ‘o lies … run, … run away far and fast, and don’t look back. Yeah, sounds like he gets his medical information about vasectomies and reversals from sh*t TV shows like The Office, not from like an actual physician.

    Yeah, … run like hell, and for f*ck’s sake, do not do not do not have sex with him.

23. He had an STD and chose to hide it from you with a crap excuse.

24. Maybe he got a herpes breakout and made up this lie to cover his “problems downstairs.”

25. Girk you are being so so blind. Any medical procedures such as this would absolutely have a paper trail. Also getting a surgery on the NHS secured in a few weeks is laughable in itself.

    There’s plenty of people on here with more qualifications in this area who are telling you already, but even keyhole surgery take time to heal (I had a laproscopy some years back and it knocked me out of my usual activities for a week and a half).

    You are young and are making a million excuses for him. I understand you don’t want to believe he is lying, but he clearly is. You don’t need to know WHY, you just need to know that he IS. And if he’s willing to lie about something this serious, what else will he lie about?

    Men like this are seasoned and know what they’re doing. They know how to appear sweet and innocent and create sympathy for themselves. I know, I dated a guy who seemed like the sweetest guy on earth but secretly had a whole other relationship and a host of STIs from cheating on his gf with everyone under the sun. You need cold hard facts, don’t accept anything else.

26. He is such a liar. You absolutely need to run from this.

27. From the NHS website:

    “Before you decide to have a vasectomy

    Your doctor will ask about your circumstances, provide information, and may recommend counselling before agreeing to the procedure.

    You may be more likely to be accepted for a vasectomy if you’re over 30 and have had children.

    But your GP can refuse to carry out the procedure, or refuse to refer you, if they don’t believe it’s in your best interests.

    Can I get a vasectomy reversed?

    A vasectomy can be difficult to reverse. Vasectomy reversal is not usually available on the NHS. You can pay for it privately if you wish.

    Whether or not a vasectomy reversal is successful can depend on how long ago the vasectomy was done. The longer ago it was done, the less likely it is a reversal will be successful.”

    Sorry OP. He is lying.

28. Okay, seeing some of your responses I’m going to be plain and honest.

    He is lying. Stop making excuses. There is absolutely NO way there would be no documentation. Especially in the UK with Universal healthcare. There HAS to be documentation for all of it. I have Had a friend who had one done in Canada (similar healthcare system) and there would not only be the paper trail but he would have a small scar of some sort. Especially is he got cut there twice.

    Stop making excuses to find he is telling the truth somehow. He’s lying, you know it, leave.

29. No offense, but I can tell you are young. I say that as someone who is also young. Everyone here is telling you this dude is completely full of shit and lied directly to your face but you are absolutely *desperate* for someone to even *breathe* the possibility that he is being genuine so you can latch on to that. Well, the writing is on the wall and we’re all shaking our heads at your insistence on making excuses for him or avoiding looking at the issue head on by asking why he would do it and never being happy with an answer. If you want to stay with a liar that’s your prerogative, but why waste everyone’s time then? You have your answer here

30. He’s gaslighting the hell out of you. My husband had a vasectomy last year and the paperwork and process is quite lengthy. And yes, he has a small scar. He had to be numbed, he felt the doctor pulling the tubes and so on. He smelled the burnt skin as he got cauterized. He was in pain and uncomfortable a few days after.

    Girl, run, you’re only 19. Reading your comments seems like you’re refusing to believe it. It’s difficult to hear it from someone else till you realise it yourself,I know. I sincerely hope it will be soon and not years down the line after wasting your early twenties on him. Been there, done that. I still regret it 10 years later.

31. You usually have to wait 3-6 weeks after a reversal to have sex again. And you would have ABSOLUTELY noticed. The entire area on my SO was black and blue for weeks. The scars are still really visible and he got his in September.

    I don’t know how many other people have to tell you he’s a liar before you actually believe us.

32. There is no doctor with an ounce of integrity or intelligence that would do a vasectomy on a 19 yo.

33. > He said that he didn’t feel any pain and the needle was as thin as a piece of hair. He said there was little to no pain and no scar at all.

    I had a no scalpel vasectomy this year, and while it was not bad and I would happily tell anyone considering a vasectomy but afraid of the procedure it’s no big deal…. it’s definitely not PAINLESS.

    They stuck a needle into my pubic area and then a needle into each of my testes. It didn’t hurt _much_ but definitely not painless.

    With a no scalpel vasectomy they punch a hole in the scrotum and use that to get access to the “tubes”. For me they snipped, clamped, and burned them. Not painful either, but not without discomfort.

    Healing for me was straightforward and from talking to friends I think I was reasonably lucky with my healing process. It wasn’t agony, but I was laid up on the couch for a day or two. Certainly tender!

    At no point would I describe the process as “painless” lol. like a 2/10? Comparable to getting a filling done at the dentist (aka the needle is the worst part).

    I also have a small scar left over.

    The procedure took a “bit” too. And it was no small amount of wrangling to GET an appointment as a married 30-something. Let alone 19? I dunnnnno.

34. He’s clearly taking advantage of your naivete. He doesn’t think that you are smart enough to see right thru this. OP it’s time to get mad and block him forever. You likely will never know the truth but most importantly you and your body will be safe away from him and that’s more important.

35. He’s lying to you.

    Go do any research about the procedure.

    The cost of it. The procedure. The incisions. The time of recovery.

    You will see that he’s so full of shit.

    Why would he lie about something like this? Because that’s what pathological liars do. They lie for absolutely no reason. It makes them feel good that they fooled you.

36. He’s lying through his teeth. I’d dump him over this.

37. Girl if he got it done on the NHS, then you will be able to see it on the NHS app. Tell him to download it and if he did get a vasectomy (he didn’t, btw) then you will see a few past urologist appointments listed.

    Also, you can’t get a reversal on the NHS. That’s just a straight up lie.

38. Lmao no way on the NHS would you get a vasectomy at 19 and then have it reversed.

    You could get a vasectomy at 19 if it was causing you severe psychological problems. But it would never be reversed on the NHS.

39. Hey OP…..RUN! Don’t look back!

40. You are trying to attribute logic to someone who is lying to you. As everyone has already pointed out, he absolutely was lying to you, he did not get a vasectomy, and he did not get it reversed. There is some other reason why he lied, unless he’s just a pathological liar. I really don’t know.

41. He is lying to you, and badly. You are desperately looking to understand why as a way to process the danger he is putting you in when it doesn’t matter. He told you he had a vasectomy young so you would likely have unprotected sex with him. He fed you the most recent story to cover for whatever actual reason he couldn’t have sex, because it sounds better than the likely reality of him cheating and getting an STI and needing to treat it.

    He’s not genuine, you’ve just never given it deeper thought and he has counted on that.

42. You said in a comment that he never claimed to have a vasectomy before bringing up the fake “reversal,” so he wasn’t lying to go bareback.

    I think everyone is looking at this backwards: the lie isn’t for stealthing reasons. A while back, he cheated and got an incurable but manageable STI that put his junk out of commission. The snip reversal is his excuse for *needing to wrap it up going forward,* so as to avoid infecting you and getting caught that way.

43. Hey friend. People lie. Some people lie to those who they claim to love. None of us can tell you why he’s lying. He mentioned that not even be able to tell you why he lied. I think you should consider that this isn’t a safe person to be around.

44. My husband got a vasectomy. You cannot get one without someone else noticing, because the recovery period requires quite a change in lifestyle. Basically you are laid up. My husband was told not to pick up our kids and picked up our daughter one time, resulting in something bad happening down there, an infection, and his recovery time was doubled and he was put on antibiotics. Also they swelled up to three times their size.

45. If he can point out the clinic he had it done he can walk into that clinic and get a copy of his medical records. Your bf is a liar.

46. The OP seems to not want to accept that the partner might be lying because the lie doesn’t appear to serve a purpose.

    Sometimes, OP, people are just liars.

    I dated a girl who told me she went to school for two years in Ireland. I wasn’t fascinated with it. I wasn’t impressed by it. I was curious about the experience of living abroad (at the time), but there was no reason to fabricate this entire story. It turned out she did. The whole stupid thing. I found out years later from her family and affirmed by her friends.

    I never did find out why, but I know I’ve met a few people like her over the years. Some people just lie about things.