I don’t know if people are going to think this is a good idea or a crazy thing to do but here goes. I (31M) have been feeling like I’m not happy in my marriage over this last year. However, I want to actually try to be somewhat objective and data driven before I make such a big decision like getting a divorce or not. I know that it’s possible that the bad times/events might make it harder for me to remember the good times/events so I actually want to try to keep track of how I’m feeling day to day.
I think I want to keep a kind of daily log with some questions that I’ll answer throughout or at the end of every day and then I’ll be able to look at the data at the end of 6 months or a year and see what the actual numbers are. Anyways, for those that are onboard with this I want some help on writing questions that you think would be useful to track. These are some that I’ve come up with so far:
Did they do anything that made you feel good today?
Did they do anything that made you feel bad today?
Did they state how they were unhappy with how or how often you’re doing / not doing something.
Did they say anything that made you feel like they don’t think you’re competent
Did you initiate sex?
Did they reject you?
Did they initiate sex?
You can kind of see what I’m getting at. Yes/No/N/A style questions would be the best here because they are quick to answer and they’re easy to track over time.
Also I understand that these questions are all written from my point of view, i.e. “did they say anything to make you feel bad” and there’s not a question “did you say anything to make them feel bad”. I think keeping them to my point of view is probably the best since I can’t really know if I did that & also the point of this whole thing is to see how I subjectively felt day to day over a longer period of time.
The competence question might be worded weird but the reason for it is that I feel like she often says stuff that makes me think that she thinks I’m an idiot or something and it bothers me. I don’t think she needs to heap praise on me but it feels bad thinking that my spouse thinks lowly of me
Regarding the sex question. It’s important to me, I’ve noticed that I don’t feel good mentally / emotionally and I also feel less connected with my partner if we don’t have sex fairly regularly. By regularly I mean probably 2 times a week ish? The rejection question, I totally understand and accept that it’s 100% her choice if she wants to have sex or not and she’s not obligated to do anything. However, it does feel bad to get rejected often and since this is about how I feel subjectively in this relationship I think it’s worth tracking.
Anyways, for those who are onboard. What questions can you think of that you think would be worth tracking?