My (F35) wife (F39) is in the Navy and returned home from a 4 month deployment today. I travelled 3.5 hours each way to pick her up and take her home.
Issue 1, she ‘forgot’ to tell me the date had been pushed back a day. This meant i couldn’t adjust the hotel I booked and had to pay for an additional night for no reason.
Issue 2, and the thing I’m really mad at, she asked me to come and see the ship come in at 10 and said we would then go get lunch and wait until 12 to come back to clear her things out when the majority of ppl had gotten off the ship. I took the day off work, drove up and stayed in a nearby hotel (having to pay for 2 nights for no reason) and then wandered down to the wharf at 9:30. The ship came in at 10, and while on the ship after it had just arrived (we could see each other) she messaged that it might be a little bit until she could get off and said I should go grab a coffee of something and she’d come meet me. I said ok and popped down the street to a nearby cafe, thinking 20-30min or so.
Over the course of 2 hours I sent her a few messages asking what was happening. Silence. I had to leave the cafe and go move the car from the hotel as they wouldn’t allow me to keep it there too long. I ended up driving around for 30 min to find a park and sat there waiting for her to check her phone. It wasn’t until I sent an angry message saying I wouldn’t be waiting for her much longer and she was being inconsiderate not letting me know what was going on, that I finally got a reply that she was ‘on her way’.
When I told her it wasn’t ok to leave me waiting around for her for 2 hours when we had a plan, I got an excuse that she had decided to pack up her things and get changed. When I asked if she’d even thought to let me know, i got begrudging ‘I’m sorry’ and a self centred sarcastic comment that ‘she was a bad person’ then silence with a comment that ‘nothing I say will help so I’m not going to say anything’.
I ended up starting to drive home in tears, and she chose to go to sleep in the car until I stopped after an hour and made her drive.
Now this isn’t the first time she’s done things like this, it’s quite frequent and there’s always an ‘excuse’ for why it was ok and no genuine remorse, but this is the final straw for me. I’m tired of being forgotten or an after thought all the time. I constantly feel like I think of us both and she only thinks of herself, and I’m always bending over backwards.
I’m considering going to stay at my mums.
Edit to add:
– She chose to go pack instead of meeting me, it wasn’t work related, and didn’t bother to tell me.
– She came home earlier last week and decided to go back on the ship to finish with everyone else (on the ship again 3 days) so she wasn’t tired.