It’s not even a controversial type of awakening. I recently began a relationship with an amazing guy. It’s my first everything — kiss, relationship, and first time having sex.
First, let me tell you, the sex’s got me ZOOTED, omg. Our bodies feel perfectly made for each other. We have sex every day, several times a day often. And I really, really love him, inside and out.
So, the guilt thing. I’m trying to figure it out and let it go. I don’t feel bad about having sex overall. I know it’s not dirty or sinful. I know I’m not too young for it anymore.
But to give context, I came from a complicated background, with non-religious parents who openly cracked risque jokes with the family, had The Talk with us, etc., but who also were — as I’m realizing increasingly since I’ve moved out — were very controlling sexually. Rules like: No dating or sex in high school…or college. No, not a “no sex in the family house” rule. **No sex period.** And 20-something half-sisters of mine were kicked out the house for being caught in lies about having sex.
*And I think I also picked up this subtle belief that sex is a waste of time.* Really, I still go to work of course, I have my goals and hobbies I still work on, but love and sex is such a whole new world to me and I am enjoying every inch of it right now…unashamedly. But not.
My parents made major romantic mistakes in their adolescence, and have put a type of belief in us that love, all in all, is usually a distraction for young adults. **I know consciously it’s not, but I feel like all this sexual activity is “below” me and I should be doing something better???** What, who knows what, but all this gratuitous enjoyment just for love and sex sake feels like a waste of time.
ETA: People asked, so I should add I’m American and no one in my family are immigrants.
TL;DR! I was raised in a confusing, non-religious but sexually conservative environment and now I feel guilty having sex for the first time in my life.
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:::Some words are getting hit by auto mod so trying to edit to pass them. I don’t think the context of their usage is really against sub rules
My wife had something similar. She has a great libido but somehow her upbringing had her believing she was a 5|ut for being affectionate with me and a w#0re if she made love to me.
It really messed her up as the problem got worse with time rather than better. But she got therapy and while I don’t know everything the therapist has done to help her I know she reads a lot of erotic romance novels now, which go into rather explicit details. My best guess is that it’s to normalise the healthy sexual relationships and women’s enjoyment of sex.
NOTE: proper erotic romance, not smut.
Good luck 👍
You need therapy STAT and cut off your toxic controlling parents out of your life now. Their belief system on this is totally unhealthy and frankly crazy. They have emotionally abused and stunted you and your siblings and you need help to recover from this and cut out the cancer in your life. Good luck.
Edit: removed fruit cakes
As you become accustomed to it, the feeling will fade.
Many of us are raised with ideas that we let go of later on in life because they don’t serve us. For some people, romantic relationships and sex totally *do* sidetrack them.
You’re finding yourself in a time where you can enjoy everything in its place.
I think my only concern is, how thorough were they in regards to The Talk? If they are conservative your sex education might be lacking. In particular, are you on birth control, are you aware of your birth control options? Definitely enjoy sex but be safe about it. There is a very informative subreddit on birth control that helped me a lot when I first started getting active with my bf.
I was raised in exactly the same environment. I would guess part of it was because me getting pregnant in high school or college was the worst possible imaginable scenario for my parents. I grew out of it but I was definitely sexually repressed growing up and continue to have a skewed view of the role of sex and passion in a woman’s life.