Throwaway account as I don’t want this scandal on my main.
My mom [43F] is cheating on my dad [51M], they have been married for 24 years now, typical traditional marriage but in this whole 24 years there have never been a cheating or disrespectful act from my dad’s side towards my mother at all.
He has his anger issues but never ever touched or bad mouthed us or her at all. (Anger issues due to his stressful work)
Context: 9 years ago dad has risked his life, business and capital to get us the family (Mom, myself and my siblings) out of the country to a safer place, and as a sacrifice for us he went back to our home country to conduct business in order for us to survive, not gonna lie there have been a lot of difficulties but we managed through all as a family.
So he’s been going back and forth throughout the years, he stays with us maximum 3 or 4 months per year.
Dad is the most respectful, loving, generous providing gentleman I’ve ever seen, and I’m being totally biased here, men in our family are trash, the cheat, don’t spoil they family members, bad treat their daughters and wife, and they hold money from them, dad is not like that at all.
He might not be the most classy man or educated but he is one successful businessman and known for his word.
Mom on the otherhand, she is loving, caring, sensitive, but very strict, she taught me left from right, evil for good, she isn’t easy at all opening up but I try and she pushes me back everytime, that I had to stop trying.
You guys when I say she is not a woman like that I mean it, the woman can’t even see a kissing scene on TV, she doesn’t do dirty talk at all, she is just innocent and strict, as I thought all this time untill 5 months ago..
When I found out my world was wrecked, I haven’t been sleeping well, not eating properly, and mentally not being able to do the work I have to as this is too much to process and handle, and keeping quite all this time and not saying a word took all my strength away, even breathing sometimes is difficult..
Mom is pushing dad away, when he offers to take her out on a date she is refusing, when he tell her to go on a getaway weekend she says I don’t want to leave my kids, knowing I’m the eldest daughter and I’ve took care of my siblings alone all fine.
My dad is so frustrated that he is taking Nerve tranquilizer to get him mind to calm down as he is very angry from this nonsense act from her side.
You see? Dad doesn’t know anything, he did not even suspect it, he thinks so good of her that he did not even consider his own life partner, wife cheating on him, it’s wrecking my heart.
He did everything for us, for our family, to provide a more comfortable lifestyle for us.
He is even considering traveling somewhere else to live on his own for a while , I ask him “why is that dad” he says “maybe your mom will come back to her senses”
It saddens me.
Coming to my mother, I’ve found out that this lover of hers, is the man she loved before she married my dad, so he’s her lover from since she were 18-19 I assume, but I found out mom and her lover ended on bad terms and she never forgave him for something he did back then.
Mom’s dad was very strict and everyone would fear him and all of us follow his word being the eldest one in our family, you see, grandpa was rich, mom got a good inheritance from him, he dies two years ago, may his soul rest in peace,
What makes me doubt the sudden of the lover popping out of the blue, is his bad financial situation, I believe he is asking mom for money as she has been telling my dad that she will be having outsider investments with her “friends” and she wouldn’t say who as dad know all her friends.
Let me tell you how I caught my mother, I saw the contact name in her phone, obv someone new, she doesn’t have a friend called that
When she would go out to meet the lover, I ask where are you going, she say just meeting up with a friend, she usually offers to take me to the gatherings with her, she was on the phone with him, she’s acting infront of me like the teenager that’s hiding her bf from her parents while pretending to take to her gf, I could hear his voice was a man, but I kept my mouth shut and played the dump card, he gave her a hickey! And I know it’s him dad was not it town.
The lover is teaching and feeding my mom against my dad and myself, she’s been very difficult more than before more strict. She’s even not sitting with us as a family and always in her room alone taking to her “friends”.
I spoke with dad what’s is the matter with you guys, he is sad. The man is heartbroken, he says you mom isn’t showing my any respect, she’s treating me like a child not a husband, when dad tries to make fun jokes she say it’s silly don’t try again when he tried to cook she yells for him making too much mess, when he buy stuff for the house, stuff he knows we love she yells why did you get it, I have witnessed some of her actions with him and I even get angry for him I can t believe how he’s so put together still.
He even told me when he asks her to make love with him she is distant and she has been refusing and when she says yes she doesn’t participate at all he said she’s a dead corpse and he doesn’t like that so he stopped asking for intimate relationships, she’s been trying for 3-4 months now.
I will confront my mother to ask her to come to her senses and not wreck the family, I know she might think she’s in love with him but she always say I love my family more than anything in the world.
I need help from you guys, give me guidance, how to talk to her, any icebreakers to enter such conversation as I am losing my mind.
What should I say ? How to get her to back off? How to open such topic?
I forgot the most important thing to mention my mom is religious like very very religious so how did she commit adultry I have now clue seriously wtf mom?! She doesn’t even allow me to have a bf, so strict and religious as she’s constantly reading and praying and studying religion.!! I’m shocked and speechless.