About 11 years ago, my then girlfriend got pregnant and I felt like I wasn’t ready at the time, because I had so many things on my plate. I asked her to get an abortion and she said OK, but later changed her mind.
After she told me she was keeping the baby, I said OK and started preparing to become a father.
We are married now and the boy is 10 years old and I love him to death. The issue is that my wife keeps bringing up the fact that I wanted to abort him, and it hurts me when she does. I feel shame about it and have apologized so many times, but she just wouldn’t let it go. She randomly brings up things that happened 10 to 11 years ago, that I’ve apologized for, over and over again.
This year, I fucked up and forgot our wedding anniversary and it’s been 3 weeks of hell; we’ve been reliving everything that I’ve done wrong, even things that I didn’t know she’s mad about.
What am I doing wrong here? What do you do when sorry, gifts and nice gestures are not enough? How do we move forward from these things because they are beginning to hurt our marriage? Thanks in advance.
UPDATE:
I want to thank you all for taking the time to read and post your thoughts; they are all well received, all of them.
I noticed that a few of your have issues with a few things, so I might as well address them, after all, I chose to put my business out there, right?
First, some people are deeply concerned with the semantics of me saying “boy” instead of “son.” It’s just my way of going from fetus a 5th grader in a few words. It’s like a gender reveal, you say “It’s a boy,” correct?
Second, a lot of you are concerned with the age gap and I do appreciate your concern for her. In retrospect, I doubt if I’ll do anything differently, but I’ll go ahead and give you a back story. I met her at a place where I worked part time/weekends and when we met, she told me she was 24. She made the first move because she thought I was gorgeous (I still don’t understand that part to this day). She was a department head, full figured chic; she was “boss lady” and definitely looked the part and there was no reason to doubt her. I found out about her real age later and by then, I had met the woman and it was a tad late.
Third, forgetting the anniversary is a bummer and I own it. We do have a four year old daughter and she had been battling the flu for a few days. It’s sometimes hard to concentrate on other things when you see your child so helpless, but that’s no excuse, I know.