My best friend asked if she could spend Christmas at our house a couple months back and I said of course, it’ll be nice to have my friend here.
The last few weeks I’ve been trying to get an idea of times she will be here for the day so I can plan Christmas dinner etc but every time she said that she didn’t know and it depends on her boyfriend. Annoying, but fine. She told me a couple days ago that she’d be up at the crack of dawn which I wasn’t expecting but okay, so my partner and I opened our presents the night before and I made sure to get an early night to be up early for my friend coming over.
She comes early as expected and I spend the morning chilling with her, playing games and having some nibbles before I get started on the dinner (I got a lot of extra in since she and my partners brother would be there). As I was peeling potatoes, she announced that her boyfriend was outside. I was like huh, what do you mean? She told me that his plans hadn’t worked out so she was going to spend the rest of the day with him instead. This really irked me – I’d planned our Christmas around her being here – but not as much as the next part.
To preface the next part, I need to go back a couple years. In 2021 my baby daughter died. It was the worst time of my life and that Christmas was horrific. It was made worse by my sister telling me that she was pregnant even though my other sister had asked her if she could wait until Christmas was over but she ignored her. As someone who has just lost their child, it’s really hard to hear that sort of thing – as much as you are happy for your loved ones, it brings up a lot of memory and emotion which is difficult. My best friend knew this and listened to me cry back then.
Back to my best friend about to abruptly leave as I’m peeling spuds. She decides to then tell me that she is pregnant. She then decides to moan for the next few minutes about how annoying pregnancy is while I’m trying not to cry and just repeating “you’ll be fine”. She leaves.
There’s been such a build up of annoyance over my friend – for the last two years she’s come to me every time they fight and she’s cried hard. I’ve listened to her and held her as she’s been upset about the fact they’ve thrown bottles at each other across pubs, how he cheated on her and she keyed his car, how she ran at him in her street naked just to punch him etc. Just last week she phoned me at night doing her usual drunk crying to me on the phone as they, once again, were fighting in the pub and asking if she could come here. I don’t say yes because every time I have in the past it’s not gone that way – I’ll book taxis for her to just not take them (I’m banned from some taxi services now because of it). She’ll at some point during the call announce that he’s calling her, hang up immediately and I won’t hear from her for up to 2 weeks.
I just feel like today was the last straw for me. Please don’t misunderstand me – I’d be incredibly happy for my friend having a baby, for her to be happy, if it wasn’t for all of the surrounding circumstances and the way that she told me. I’d literally had a cry to her an hour previous about how hard I find Christmas. I just find it incredibly inconsiderate the whole way it’s gone down and I’m sick of being her back up for when she’s bored.
I guess I’m just looking to rant, maybe get your stories of similar-ish situations to not feel alone. It absolutely sucks to have to let go of a friend but I honestly don’t see how I can continue this relationship.
** Edit – To her défense, I believe she literally just found out she was pregnant as she had said no to a drink today and stated she’d stopped vaping, so there is that. I don’t doubt however that the fighting will likely continue. For those asking if it’s a potential DV situation, I wouldn’t say so – the physical comes from her side really.
Thank you so much to everyone who has commented, it’s reaffirmed my decision which is a good thing. I suppose I gave her so many chances over the last couple years because we’ve been friends for over a decade and I guess I hoped she’d sort herself out in the end but, clearly, no dice and it’s just getting worse.
** 2nd edit – With the DV situation I just meant that he doesn’t seem to be abusing her – the other way around is more likely but they both seem to be on an even keel in that regard so idk, I’ve tried to stay out of that