I’ve (27F) been with my boyfriend (25M) for almost a year officially now. Before becoming official, we were friends with benefits and just about best friends for two years. Early this year, he moved to another country for work and so we’ve been in a long distance relationship most of the year. We’ve taken two trips outside our home country to meet with each other but he only just returned him home this month on holiday.
Firstly, I’ve been advocating for us to take our relationship to the next step I.e. probably get married so I can go be with me but I think he’ll rather take things slow and that has really bothered me and made me sad, mostly because I want to be with him and because I desperately want to leave our home country (things aren’t great here). Right before he got back, I got really anxious and we had a lot of fights because I complained about his approach to the holiday (he is spending Christmas and New Year’s Day with his family) but I want to spend it together, a part of me needs that so I can establish my importance in his life, him saying his mother especially will be upset if he doesn’t spend these days with them has made me upset but I don’t have a choice because he wants to make up for it by spending other days with me, he even spent the first two days when he got back with me, I still am not satisfied because of those two days I’m not getting.
Today, he met up with his family and I’ve just felt weird throughout the day, he hasn’t been actively conversing so I think he’s having a great time reconnecting with them and i dont know why I feel off. I think I’m jealous of the relationship he has with them, I want to be the most important person in his life and all of this just makes me feel like I’m not. I feel horrible because how can anyone be jealous of their boyfriend’s family and their boyfriend (I feel like I’m jealous of him because his life is moving in the direction I want mine to and he has never mentioned anything about making sure I have access to the same opportunities by relocating with him especially).
I am considering going to therapy but it’s a bit expensive so I have to bid my time but in the meantime I’ll appreciate any advice I can get. Thanks!
TL;DR: I feel weird that my boyfriend is choosing to spend Christmas and New Year’s Day with his family and might be jealous that they’re more important to him than I am. I also feel weird that he’s not eager to make plans to relocate me to him.