My wife (32F) and I (34M) are parents to a six month old daughter. My wife seems to dote on the baby a lot and is very protective of her. This post is not concerned with division of labour regarding our child but a disagreement we have found ourselves in.
My wife and I were talking about some vaccine appointments and the topic quickly changed to safety, security and parental instinct. My wife expressed fiercely protectiveness over the baby and wanted me to answer who would I save when it came down to both of them. My response was unequivocal—I would prioritize saving my wife.
My reasoning was – I have known my wife for a greater length of time (10 years) than I do the baby, so the depth of love I have for my daughter pales in comparison. Additionally, my viewpoint takes into account the natural progression of parenting, wherein children gradually achieve independence and, over time, may establish separation from their parents. It’s the parents (if they are still together) who are lifelong companions if circumstances do not necessitate divorce.
Regrettably, my wife’s reaction was characterized by yelling, a mode of communication that I find counterproductive and, frankly, disagreeable.
Not only has she become unresponsive at my attempts to talk to her, but she has also been in extreme emotional distress, including tears.
Can someone share helpful resources and talk from experience if they’ve worked through this?
TLDR: Discussed hypothetical scenario with wife – had to choose between saving her or our six-month-old daughter. Chose wife based on our history and belief in lasting parental companionship. Wife reacted strongly, strained communication, and she seems upset. Reflecting on my response.