Hi all,
As the title states I am at my wits end with my husband’s drinking. And, it has caused a number of problems in our relationship and marriage.
When we first started dating, I quit drinking for a few years (due to addiction recovery) and told him about all of it and why. He claimed he didn’t drink very often or not a lot and was totally fine with quitting for our relationship since he “didn’t really drink like that anyways.”
Well, there was a red flag (I missed) when I met his friends a couple weeks into dating where we went to a hangout spot he frequented and conversation struck up about how I don’t drink. They we’re flabbergasted!
They couldn’t believe 1) that I didn’t drink and 2) that my husband would even date a girl who didn’t drink. They then proceeded to show me a pile of beer cans that was left there by my husband from a few days ago at this hangout spot.
I brushed it off and believed it wasn’t a big deal. That he just enjoyed a few beers with friends occasionally.
Shortly after this, I slipped, badly. I had just moved here and started my relationship with my husband and wanted to “have fun and let loose.” My addict brain believed I could control myself and not let it get out of hand.
But it did, we started drinking very frequently together, driving drunk, staying out all night. My husband is a large man and can handle many more drinks than I can and I of course would try to keep up with him on our nights of partying leading to blacking out and puking, etc.
Fast forward to our wedding early this year, I decided a couple months after the wedding to quit drinking, again. He was not happy. He would constantly mention that he missed when we drank together, and I’m not the same anymore, etc.
We began fighting all the time about a myriad of issues including his continued drinking. Once I’d quit again I realized my husband wasnt so “great” and actually kind of a hinderance to our future. And, I actually decided to leave him in August for a few short weeks.
Once I returned back to him in October, we started marriage counseling through his pastor who ignored my repeated calls while I was away to try and get the pastor to talk some sense into my husband to help work things out between us.
Since marriage counseling, the pastor did agree that his drinking should stop. But, stupidly, I mentioned during our session that I didn’t mind if he kept it to weekend drinking only. The pastor confirmed he should not drink *at all*.
My husband ran on my words, and started only drinking on weekends. Only for a short while though because he’s now back to regularly drinking every day.
I feel like he can’t live with out it. And honestly I don’t think it’s good for my own recovery. I’ve slipped up a couple times since being back with him again this time but reeeaalllyyy want to quit for good (I’ve finally made the decision this weekend to do it).
I don’t know what to do now though. He’s been told by everyone around him his drinking is bad. His parents mention it constantly, the pastor has told him, and me his wife.
I feel like because I slipped up he thinks it’s okay and it’s totally not. I don’t know how else to convey how important I feel this issue is.
As a side note, my father is a terrible alcoholic. I love him but he’s killing himself with drinking and partying and has been my entire life. This is another strong reason I fear drinking and why I think my husband should quit.