I always believed I was ugly and I don’t deserve any guy’s attention that was as a teen but once I got into college I took care of my appearance lost weight got a new haircut and dressed better, learned how to do makeup, so the first time a guy ever approached me and asked for my number I got scared bcs that never happened and thought he was a creep and after thinking abt it I feel bad bcs the poor guy introduced himself nicely and was respectful while I was rude bcs I thought I don’t deserve a guy’s attention so he must had bad intentions.
And now even though I’m in my twenties and many women and men find me attractive and I do find myself that but I just can’t believe that a guy would fall for me and would date me.
And any guy approaches me now even if I find him attractive I still reject him because of that.
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Sounds like you need to do a decent amount of self work before you date any guy. Have you ever considered therapy? Positive psychology, CBT or a holistic approach would be good choices.
You need to love yourself a little and be ok with yourself both being rejected and approached.
As far as why would anyone like you.. we all have traits that others find attractive and vice versa. We all have preferences, and you would without a doubt be many people’s type.
Btw looks aren’t really what needs to be worked on. When you go into self work, create a version of you that YOU love first. Be a nice person, be humble, be healthy.. set yourself up for success and the rest will fall into place.
Do you base your friendships on looks? Do you avoid people because they are not attractive? Probably not. You choose your friends based on their personalities.
You may be nervous to get attention from a guy, but before you start asking yourself “Why would he like me?!”, ask yourself if the guy is someone you’re interested in knowing better. I already know by reading your post that you have a lot going on for yourself. Don’t let social media trick you into thinking you’re not beautiful. My most beautiful friends are my plain-looking friends, and I wouldn’t change anything!
Why would anyone like you? Because of your inner beauty!!
You need therapy, kid
No one will like you when you shit on everyone who tries.
You need to be better.
I used to be under the same impression that nobody would like me so here’s what I did.
And I’m not going to say it works for everyone just that it worked for me so you can take it or leave it.
I hated myself for a long time. I’m talking about real self pity undesirable completely miserable hate. I used to drop acid 3-4 times a week to escape myself and escape reality (quit in 2020) just to give some clarity on how bad off I was at one point. After putting myself through enough shit one day I just kind of thought about it logically. What do I have to hate about myself. I looked at my qualities. I can cook food that I absolutely enjoy. I know what shows I like and what stuff makes me passionate and what I can nerd out about. I love my taste in music. I started to become the hand that patted me on the shoulder little by little from that day. I became the understanding and empathy for myself that I lacked growing up. Over the years I built on that. Today I know exactly who I am better than anyone ever will. Today I know exactly what I want and I continue to build on myself if I ever receive it as I understand I’m not owed anything in this life. And you know what if I don’t ever receive it and end up alone. That’s not gonna kill me either because I enjoy my own company.I no longer have to be the hand on my shoulder because today I’m the one giving myself fist bumps. I recently decided to stop using self-deprecating humor because if I have nothing nice to say about someone I need not say it at all (THAT INCLUDES MYSELF)
Today I treat myself as if I am my best friend getting married. I look at myself and say “DATS MY BOOIII”
You need to chill and stop rejecting guys. No one even bothers to approach us as guys, so u need to appreciate that
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You need to change your mindset otherwise you will be alone, it’s clear others are interested, give them a chance. Also drop the self pity, own who you are 😊
Just learn not to be desperate to date. Dates comes and goes. Learn to become wife material. A well grown adult knows it well that dating is stupid. I dated like 3-4 times. I swear now i would rather marry someone than date. Its just too much fuss and so much uncertainty.
People like you because of your energy, your spirit and your appearence *when it comes to guys*
This is normal to feel like this, and given your experiences growing up you could very well be self sabotaging yourself. Keep in mind as people we are always learning and growing.
1. Love yourself
2. Expect only the best for yourself *never settle
3. Practice mirror work self affirmations. I do the “I am gorgeous” self affirmation and it is not by chance that most guys I am talking to call me gorgeous. It’s a state of mind, are there more beautiful women than me, heck yes, but because of who I think I am I become what I think I am.
4. Level Up : Keep investing in yourself and keep becoming the best version of you, inside to outside.
5. Know that you’re the prize. Guys will approach you. I could send an pic of my side boobs and my boyfriend will be outside my door. Guys think about sex every 15 seconds.
6. Don’t sleep with guys too easy. Always get them to fall in love with your mind. Lead the relationship with being authentic to who you are, be honest and always set standards/expectations.
7. Guys are generally having good intentions. If they’re a players you will know it, if theyre there for a relaitonship you will know it. See their actions *never word* and trust your intution. I have walked away from guys who gave me the wrong vibe in terms of my intution and I was always right to do so. Its what God has given us, use it.
8. Be accountable to a higher power. If you don’t have accountability you don’t have standards. As a Christian I have accountability to God and it helps me refocus on who I am, the value I have and the life purpose I have.
Hope this helps. xoxo
Answer is simple. You haven’t met a guy you are attracted to yet. By instinct, you will never be rude to guys you are attracted to.
Then it’s your fault because you clearly said guy approached you but you rejected
Get therapy, it’ll help you deal with your negative self esteem. You’re going to continue to self sabotage beacuse you don’t feel like your worthy of anything good.
You need to work on this. It’s not dating advice you need, it’s therapy. Hard work for positive change.
My sister is *exactly* like this. She’s 31 and on track to be a cat lady.
She’s been to therapy, but all the cbt in the world won’t cure a narcissist fragile ego. OP needs to find her passion and become the undisputed champ of it. Or else she’s gonna be my sister, constantly posting selfies on Instagram for validation.
Therapy is the fastest way forward here. Look for Emotionally Focused therapists (EFT) or CIMBS (Cognitive Integration of Multiple Brain Systems). Another is to start a meditation practice, especially following ones you can find online called Compassionate Friend meditations, but that will require a lot more self discipline.
Kinda weird because apparently around here being a tall handsome man who takes care of himself and has his place, a stable job seems to be seen as successful yet I just feel like you… Like no girls give me attention even if I have all these things so at some point I also feel why would anyone like me if everybody seems to say that I have it all but no one’s seems interested…
One thing I learned being in a relationship with my girlfriend is I fell in love with her because she’s literally so kind,amazing,she has a great personality,she’s accepting lastly because she actually cares. Yeah she is beyond gorgeous. But what made me fall in live with her for the most part is because not just for her looks but she once again cares and shows so much love and respect. Also the fact she accepts my weirdness and encourages it because she sees the good through it all.What that means is you need therapy and a lot of it. You literally sound selfish. No guy even if he is so kind wants to date a girl like you. In fact that’s why most kind men don’t even want a girlfriend because of ones like you.
Self-sabotage
I feel the same 😔
Your self esteem is low. Mine was for a long time too. I’m older than you and here’s what I think I’ve learned.
There are multiple someones out there for you. You just haven’t found them yet. You never know what someone else’s preferences are, and YOU might be EXACTLY what they want.
In a way I couldn’t believe my last gf liked me. She was sooooo amazing in every way. I was like no way I’m what she’s looking for. But I was. We had to end it due to outside circumstances. Without those, we’d still be together.
Again, YOU are EXACTLY what someone, somewhere is looking for.
Read the Courage to be Disliked. I read my way out of several mental disorders without needing extensive and expensive therapy. Some of your thought processes don’t actually make sense, this book will explain why.
>*any guy approaches me now even if I find him attractive I still reject him because of that.*
It’s alot easier to control behaviour than it is to control feelings.
If you want a relationship, stop rejecting people.
People won’t like you until you like yourself. I’m sure you’re wonderful.
The sooner you can change your mindset the better..damn I hate to think of the wasted opportunities I once had…
Look up core negative beliefs. This starts with you and your thinking.
I think it’s important to remember that thoughts are just thoughts, they don’t represent reality. And also to understand that people don’t see you the same way you see yourself everybody has their own perception of how they view things. So even if you believe that you’re ugly and you believe that you’re worthless that doesn’t mean that it’s true in reality, and it doesn’t mean that other people view you that same way.it’s funny because when you are depressed with low self-esteem, you’re very hard on yourself but also very self centered in a way because you’re only thinking about things through your own perspective and assuming that everybody either does or should logically to think of you the same way you think of yourself
Kinda had a similar thing going on but definitely not to such a degree (very good at self manipulation).
It’s all about self love, so either try to work on that yourself or go to therapy
I’m not one to suggest therapy to people for any ol’ reason but in this case… that is exactly what you need.
It sounds like you have some very major insecurities, extremely low self-esteem and virtually no confidence in yourself.
Check out a book called “you are a badass.” might help 🙂
Haha there are so many guys like this too, if only the men and woman with this issue would find eachother
Before you try to go into a relationship, first learn to love yourself more. Realize you are someone deserving of affection and love. You are to be loved you are worthy of it, you were never ugly. Instead you are an attractive and wonderful person who just needs to embrace themselves and love themself even greater than before. Also you cannot love others properly if you cannot love yourself. I feel once you can do this,then just then youll be able to manage the courage to finally accept a guy 1. Hope I helped. 🥰
Therapy. If not, enjoy your cats and wine.