I (34m) have been with my girlfriend (32f) for almost 4 years now, and whilst most of our relationship works really well, sex has always been an issue. It’s not bad, I’ve just never felt fulfilled by it.
There’s always been a bit of a mismatch in our sexualities – in the past, I’ve typically explored a lot of different ideas / kinks. I’ve done some more extreme stuff and found it to be really satisfying. Sex used to be something that gave me a lot of positivity about myself, whereas now I usually end up feeling a little bit hollow afterwards.
The biggest issue is that she has no outward sexuality. She doesn’t “want” anything. When we’ve sat down to talk about it, all she really had to say is that all that she wants is me, and doesn’t have any thoughts beyond that. Whilst that is really nice to hear, it makes things very difficult for me. I’m big on giving – but it’s very hard to be a giver when the other person doesn’t mind what you do.
Typically she’s also quite awakrd during sex and there’s very little spontaneity. Anywhere outside the bedroom is off limits, and she’s constantly thinking about other things (are the curtains fully drawn, pets in the room, what she’s currently wearing, etc.).
I really want to help her find her sexuality but I’m not sure how to help her.
tl;dr – Girlfriend doesn’t really have a sexual side and I want to help her find it