I (31F) started dating my husband (32M) when I was 22 and he was 23. At the time his sister was 28. She welcomed me to the family with open arms and has been nothing but nice. I also thought she was perfect – she could do no wrong. She said and did all the right things. She has a perfect relationship with her husband, her friends, and overall everyone thinks of her as an angel.
My husband lived with his sister at the time, so I would see her a lot. I’m not sure what happened, but 2 or 3 years into the relationship I tried to distance myself from her because everywhere I turned, she was just there. I couldn’t have a private conversation with my husband. We didn’t have any private space. She had a baby when she was 29 and I got annoyed at all the noise and their perfect happy little family. And one day I found a photo of my husband and I in the basement with a cracked frame and I got a sour taste in my mouth. I wasn’t close enough to her to ask her about it. And we always had family dinners and at one point I felt like I was just inviting myself because I was there at the house so I would tag along. And I’ve never heard from her directly if I wanted to come, but yet his other sister and his family have always verbally expressed how much they appreciate me.
So I started to distance myself from her which was hard because she was always around. I deliberately tried not to be around her and it was honestly taking so much energy. All I wanted was to hear from her that she wanted to hang out but I realize now everyone’s love language is different. At my wedding when I was 30, I didn’t look at her, or talk to her. I guess the resentment just kept building. Mind you, she did try to talk to me and I just rejected her but it was such small talk I never felt actual love from her.
Now we moved out and we barely see them. So I feel maybe she has given up on me and I don’t have any ill will towards her but it just feels naturally awkward and strained and we’ve gone too far.
Not sure if it’s reparable at this point or to let ti be. I mean we are civil but it feels we will never get back to how good we used to get along. Fully acknowledge its my fault that I’ve created a scenario in my head with assumptions. None of it was her fault. I hate that I let my anxiety win and my thoughts to intrude. I even got jealous every time she posted and tagged her friends and thought- that will never be me or I’m not important enough to make it to her Instagram stories.
I was raised by parents who don’t use words as love language, and my dad who hates my mom’s side of the family, I wish I didn’t have that in me.
TL;DR
One small action from my SIL built resentment and hated everything she did perfectly afterwards. This resentment projected onto her and ruined our relationship to the point where we didn’t look at each other on my wedding. This strain has been going on for years now – at this point might accept it for what it is – at least we’re civil.