How can I be a good divorced dad?

25 comments

1. I assume you can attend all competitions, practices and performances.

   Are you allowed to wish them a good night.

2. First off I’m sorry OP. Just like you said, support them in person on the days you can. You’re still their father no matter what. On days you can’t see them you can always lend an ear and offer advice and do your best to support them from a distance. Idk if my answer is the best but I hope it’s helpful!

3. I’d simply say ignore what you cannot control (the days) and simply focus on what you can do on the days you have, and what you can do on the days you don’t to prepare for them. At the end of the day, the way to be the best divorced dad is going to be the same things as just being the best dad. Be as present as you can, maintain a good relationship with the mother, and make sure your kids know you love them through your words and actions.

4. As a the child of divorced parents, just be there.

   Mine was very hit and miss as to when he was there. Hell, once he disappeared for two months and came back with a new wife.

   So as someone who had a bad one, just be there.

5. Tom brady quote. Doesnt matter how much game time you have. What matter is to give your all when you have the chance

6. Make the most of the time you get with your children. People live to say it can’t be done.

7. Just show up.

8. Be there as much as possible. Be accessible as much as possible.

9. Trust God.We’re on earth. It’s hellacious in many ways.

   There shoudl never be a 3rd party in a family situation determining who gets the kids unless there’s physical or verbal abuse proven to be going on.

   And women should be held more accountable for their role as an adult, as a parent, and for who they bring into a child’s life.

   Trust God. God is stronger than everything. Be the best you and give your kids HONEST advice. Always be honest because one day it will all come to the light who was wrong and who was right for not letting a kid see their parent.

   My son just turned 18 a year ago and now EVERYTHING his mom did is rolling out and all the things I told him, is crytal clear.

   Mom looks bad now. Because she was making bad decisions. And the truth set me free. And now his confidence in me = 100x higher than her.

10. Just be there, not sure how old they are but you can call them every day or something to see how they’re doing, what they did during the day, and I’d say it’s also a good idea to have a good relationship with their mom, if possible. This can open doors for you and you can get included to more stuff like competitions or school events, etc.

11. Doing X, Y, and Z is far less important than *not* doing A, B, and C. Your children already love you, and will continue to have a good relationship with you, *unless* you ruin it.

    On the “what not to do” list, every item boils down to this: do not make it stressful or unpleasant for your children to see you. Much of this concerns things like badmouthing their mom, asking them to deliver uncomfortable messages to her (“Tell your mom you want more time/want to live with me.”), or interrogating them about your ex. This can be very difficult in situations where your ex really did you wrong, or is parading a procession of guys past your kids who are trying to buy their love, or she’s trying to get them to call someone else Dad, etc. Regardless of the circumstances, the more peaceful and easy you can make your time with your kids, the better.

    If you haven’t already, don’t introduce your kids to a new partner for a good while. Ideally, you should allow your ex to do this first, as your kids are likely holding hope that you’ll get back together. You deserve happiness and emotional fulfillment, but until the kids come around to understanding that the divorce is permanent and settle into the new routines, there should be an airtight barrier between any new romance and your kids.

    When you have your visitation, have a plan. It can be as simple as seeing a movie or having dinner. You should make some effort to avoid long stretches of “storing” your children, where you’re physically together, but nobody is interacting. That said, you don’t need to break your neck to fill every minute of the day with activities.

12. Never, ever bad mouth your ex no matter what she says to your kids about you. Always take the high road. It will pay off in the end.

13. I’m not divorced but I’m in a fairly similar situation with my son. The best advice my parents gave me was to just show up and make sure they know you’re there for them.

    Show up to any school or sporting events or anything they have so they know you actually want to be there for them. Aside form that just make the most of the time you do have with them.

14. My parents got divorced when I was a kid. To this day I appreciate how they respected each other and communicated with each other and with me. If this isn’t possible for you then at least don’t talk bad about your ex to your kids

15. First, I’m sorry that your marriage didn’t work out and I hope that you have good support people around you.

    As far as being a good dad, be 100% present in the moment when you’re there with your kids. No distractions.

    Hopefully you and their mom always parented with the united front when you were married, keep doing it that way.

    And as others have said, don’t ever say anything negative about your ex where the children could overhear it.

16. Be sure *not* to sleep in a racing car bed.

17. Give your kid money personally without mom knowing.

    This should be separate from child support.

    Anything you can muster helps.

    Some moms ain’t good moms and see child support as *their* passive income.

    I had jack shit growing up.

18. Be there. Never trash talk your ex or put them between you two

19. Divorced dad here. Just be there for them AND never talk bad about their mother. If they start talking bad about their mother, shut it down immediately.

20. I’ve been a divorced dad for 12 years. Same visitation schedule as you. I got in the habit of calling every night to say good night. That progressed to actual chats when she was a little older (she was 2 when we divorced). Then to FaceTime a few years ago. It made a MASSIVE difference for us both. We rarely miss a night, unless she’s got an activity of some sort. I’ve never missed a game, performance, etc. just stay present and the kids will absolutely be aware of it. My daughter and I are lucky to be very close and it’s because of the consistency. Don’t let a date or an event of yours get in the way of the calls. They take 5 min or less when they are small. And never let a New Romantic interest of yours have any input or voice into your relationship with the kid. Ever.

21. Buy them cool gifts for every visit.

22. Develop a working relationship with the mother. There will be times when things come up in each of your lives and you will need to rearrange things last minute. This works both ways. If either side is unhelpful it turns into an endless tit for tat battle.

    My daughter and her ex decided to go the other way and it’s just endless arguments with the grandkids stuck in the middle.

23. I’m a child of divorced parents. And on my dad side, it wasn’t so great.

    So my advice would be, if you find another women with kids, first of all make sure she isn’t a gold digger or a basic bitch and don’t treat them like princes and princesses while you don’t put as much efforts in your own kid because you think “he was raised like that I know he can take it”.

    That’s all I have to say.

24. Ah, I understand. Being a separated or divorced parent can be challenging when it comes to balancing time with your children. Here are some tips to help you be the best dad possible despite the limited time:

    Make the most of your scheduled time: Focus on quality over quantity. Plan fun activities, engage in meaningful conversations, and create memories during your designated times together.

    Stay involved: Stay informed about your kids’ lives, interests, and schedules. Communicate with the other parent or caregiver to stay updated on important events, school activities, and milestones.

    Regular communication: Schedule regular phone or video calls on non-visitation days to maintain a connection and show interest in their daily lives.

    Be present: When you are physically with your kids, be fully present and engaged. Put away distractions and focus on them.

    Create traditions: Establish special traditions or rituals that you can share with your kids during your time together, making it unique and memorable.

    Remember, being a great dad is not solely defined by the amount of time spent together. Consistency, love, and emotional support are just as important. Try to focus on building a strong, loving relationship with your kids within the time you have together.

    Remember, being a great dad is not solely defined by the amount of time spent together. Consistency, love, and emotional support are just as important. Try to focus on building a strong, loving relationship with your kids within the time you have together.

25. All I wanted was for my dad to make an effort. He made sure we ate, which I am so grateful for. He worked so hard for us, but he was very angry and neglectful otherwise. Hear your kids out and acknowledge/validate their feelings.

    And keep your fucking word. My dad stood me up countless times and it has ruined our relationship more than the other shit he did. It is so hard to shake the feeling of being unwanted when your own dad doesn’t even show up for you.