I guess this was just another drop in the bucket. She said « I don’t see the point of being in a relationship if I never see you »
So I work nightshift, and we spend every morning together. In the weekends however she doesn’t have a lot of energy to go do anything because she finds her job very stressful and needs the weekends to relax a little.
I’m very happy with my job though, but after our interaction I told her immediately that I could get another job and that I’d rather be unemployed for a short while than have our relationship in jeopardy.
She disagreed and thinks we should think about it first.
A similar thing happened a few weeks ago, where she had to go see a radiologist to get a scan. We then found out she has a second condition unrelated to why we went there in the first place. Nothing untreatable or dangerous, but she needs to see a specialist.
She’s been waiting for weeks and still haven’t contacted anybody, but somehow, next week, she’s seeing an osteopath because « it’s good to take an appointment once a year » without me even knowing she wanted to. In our three years together she’s never seen one before and from what I understand, it’s not even a real doctor.
Two days ago she ordered some food which she didn’t finish, so she put it in the fridge for the next day. I made pasta a few days before so I wanted to finish it before it went bad. I took it out and accidentally took out the rice she didn’t finish and left it in the counter. When she came back to find it there she was (rightfully) upset. So I apologised, made her some new rice, to which she objected first because she said « it wouldn’t be cold in time », which in the end it was, but wouldn’t let me go to the store a block away to buy some sesame seeds to put with it, because that is what she had.
There are several more examples of this kind of behaviour, where there’s a problem but she doesn’t seem to want a solution and just wants to complain about it.
Now that she’s mentioned reconsidering our relationship I’ve started doing the same because I don’t know if it’s salvageable anymore. I feel like I’ve been a good listener, a good advisor when needed and an overall good partner, doing my best to make up for my shortcomings.
I do what she asks, I do most of the chores at home without bothering her, and all I feel is sadness and anger every time she comes home and starts talking about how boring her job is and how annoying the clients are.
I want her issues to resolve just as much as she wants because I love her but I feel like everything I’m doing is wrong somehow.
Am I being too easygoing or too hard on myself? Is this relationship just doomed? I have no idea what to do and I’m not comfortable at home anymore.