Hello lovely people!
Quick backstory: I’m (30F), recently back in the dating scene after a year of separation from a five-year marriage. I decided to get into dating apps and came across a guy on eHarmony. Let’s call him Leo (39M). He was explicitly looking for FWB situation and I was fine with that. He asked to meet rather than chat online or text about our lives.
Our date started with the usual small talk about families, backgrounds, hobbies, and careers. I shared my passion for my job. He asked how much I earned. I was taken aback but I said 99k a year. He challenged it saying I couldn’t possibly earn that much at 30.
Things got even more interesting when he talked about his own life. He has a business degree and interned at big IT companies. He says he only went to college for the soccer scholarship. He’s now a children’s soccer coach and painted houses, earning $60k annually. I assured him that his career choices were admirable and how much he makes doesn’t matter since we were pursuing a FWB dynamic, not a long-term commitment.
He said that my passion for my career revealed a focus on wealth and status. He proceeded to share some of his “beliefs”:
“You’re going to be miserable in 5-10 years because you didn’t prioritise finding a partner to have babies with.”
“The most attractive, kindest man in the world could be working in KFC and women won’t give him a chance because he doesn’t have a career.”
“Men are the providers. I don’t understand why women are allowed to earn more than their male colleagues. The gender pay gap exists because men do work that women can’t.”
“All women have been brainwashed by feminism. You say you’re empowered showing your body or having careers but you’re going to be miserable.”
“Women who have kids are just happier. It’s a shame you don’t want any yet. You’re wasting time.”
I asked what motivated him to even share these beliefs since we were supposed to be just FWB. He said he was just offering opinions and “advice”. I said was down for the FWB thing but now I find him very unattractive because of his views on women. He said I wasted his time and left.
I’m beyond shocked. Why the fixation on money if he wanted FWB? He’s been single for seven years, blaming it on women leaving after discovering his job and income or for “pressuring” him to get a “better” job. He says he dislikes “uneducated” women but “educated” women prioritize money.
Has anyone else encountered guys with similar beliefs? How often do you encounter them? Did I do something wrong?