I recently got married and have always been wanting to get along with my husbands family and wanting to treat them like my own but it’s been so hard bc ever since I got married I was put under so much pressure.
they pressured my husband to make me come over to theirs and stay the night literally a week into our marriage (also I just shifted countries for him and we have no furniture in the house and groceries) every weekend they would pressure him to come over when we did not even get to spend time together ourselves, and then proceeded to ask my husband when we are inviting them over and hosting dinner (with no furniture and groceries also Idek how to cook). I still invited his parents siblings and grandparents and uncles for dinner and I forced myself to learn how to cook for huge parties in 1 months. my mil lived one hour away from us and did not think to place any pans or cookware and its tradition that the in laws give stuff to the new couple, she did not come over to help me or ask how im doing during those times when she knew I was alone. my parents drove 7 hours bought us a new bed, table, mattress and helped me set up the place bc I was new to the country and at the time my husband was favouring his family and he decided we would get furniture ourselves but didn’t realize how overwhelming it would be for me switching countries and leaving my family and friends and then starting from scratch. I had no support. After I got furniture and learned how to cook and was settled, my mil decided to start staying the night.
My mil complains everytime to my husband that I don’t call her to check up on her and when I do she never tells my husband that I called her. She surprisingly was in the area one day and spent the night the day my finger nail fully ripped off and bruised. I told her I was not able to cook and she said “that happened to me when I was young I still cooked” I felt bad and went into kitchen to start cooking, she instead went to living room and started facetiming her daughter. I wanted to cry bc if my mom was there she would have helped me and so many times my mom stayed night she cooked at my place and fed my husband when I wasn’t feeling well. My husbands grandmother is so rude to me and makes remarks that upset me, she said “doesn’t mean that ur upset u keep going back to your parents” I went to visit my parents after marriage for a week bc I was missing them and she said that to me when my husbands sister came to her parents for a two whole months this year.
My mil told my husband she doesn’t like my shirt tucked in my jeans bc her family doesn’t wear it like that. She constantly makes remarks to my husband about me, telling me I have to stay the night at their cousins and told me “you have to start calling me mom now” , she said my pants are high bc my ankles are showing. Idk what to do anymore. I expressed to my husband they have a family group chat without me in it and their son in law it makes me feel excluded , we only have one family gc and its with all the children and their spouses bc we share everything as family. his mom posted a panera bread pic in the chat without me while staying the night at ours and said thank you to my husband in the chat. Its so upsetting bc I was the one who told my husbans to get her breakfast that day when he was sleeping bc I was sick that day and couldnt cook her breakfast and she chose to write that in their group chat and not even thank me.
I am moving 30 mins away from them bc my husband matched to fellowship near them and I am terrified. I cannot handle this stress and anxiety. it makes me go insane. My husband is a people pleaser he cannot speak up to them as they are elders and if he speaks up they make it a whole scene and I don’t want to ever ruin their relationship but what do I do when this is affecting our relationship??? Please help me.