Hi all! I’m grateful to be a very energetically attractive person, however I am a bit overwhelmed by the nature of my interactions with men especially (and sometimes queer women).
I’m demisexual so dating is hard and I approach connections platonically which I thought was standard. But most men I’ve encountered even casually have expressed sexual/romantic interest and it’s taking a toll on me because I can’t understand why people would immediately jump to romantic intent without the grace of platonic connection – or at least a connection-that-shall-not-be-named. It almost feels degrading to me which adds to my exhaustion, because it feels like people are opportunistic to take what I offer them at first glance, like my appearance (which feels the most degrading) or whatever energy I offered to them conversationally, rather than getting to know me as a person. I recognise that my process of attraction might work slower than most so I’m open to hear different perspectives.
But honestly, I’m frustrated. When I’m in a relationship, I can easily say ‘I have a boyfriend’ and men will leave me alone or only pursue me platonically. What is the ‘I have a boyfriend’ equivalent for when you’re single? ‘I’m not interested/I’m not looking for a relationship/I’m not attracted enough right now and will take time to be but it’s not a you thing and also I can’t promise that I will be attracted in the future’ is never enough and always has other consequences. And they are always persistent and expect more answers, continue to not understand, and then our dynamic changes because they act different towards me after the light rejection. I’m always super nice about it but it drains my energy so much, only to worsen the dynamic anyway.
I recognise that I’m lucky in a way to be energetically attractive, but I sometimes wonder if I can ever peacefully experience male friendship without this kind of turbulence, emotional exhaustion, and weird dynamic-changing aftermath.
Going through the initial process of questioning whether people are trying to flirt or not is exhausting. Do I ask them directly what their intention is (and how would I ask this) or do I just state my own position? It feels out of place to follow a ‘you’re gorgeous’ with a ‘by the way I’m demisexual’. Normally I say ‘thank you’ and then I’m confused because I’m eternally questioning whether they want to hang out with me for platonic reasons or not so platonic reasons.
Is there anything I can say initially so men can approach me with platonic connection in mind instead of immediate romantic intent? How do I reject in a way that they won’t act weird after (just being nice doesn’t seem to work and explaining my demisexuality leads to them holding onto false hope)? I’m just so exhausted by this repetitive process and would appreciate any advice to make it easier.
Forgive me for being so lost socially haha I’m notoriously bad with boundaries, thanks guys!