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I’m using a translator because I speak Spanish, I’ve been seeing some of the stories and advice people give here and I could really use your help.
I’m (18) I have had feelings for my best friend for a long time, let’s call him Derek, that has been growing over time, it turns out that he and I had a friend in common, let’s call her Sara (19F), Sara and Derek had a kind of romantic relationship since they started talking, a relationship that lasted three years (that is, when we all met), I didn’t know anything about this relationship, I found out shortly after they ended their relationship. Since Sara and Derek broke up 4 days ago, I’ve been accompanying Derek through all of this. It turns out that Sara was somewhat abusive towards Derek, always using him as an emotional bag, she always said she wanted to commit suicide, Derek was there for her giving her support, there was a time when Sara stopped talking to Derek, I don’t know the reason, but it lasted. a few weeks, then they both resumed their relationship, Derek told me that for a few months he had felt that the relationship was going to end and that Sara was having feelings for a mutual friend of both of them, but even so he stayed for her (Derek told me He said that he felt that Sara was becoming dependent on him for some things, I guess emotionally) One day Derek took some time away from everything to concentrate on his studies, he returned after two months, but a few days later When he returned, he told me that he felt very bad. The next morning, he told me that he and Sara had ended a three-year relationship. She was very surprised, she told me that when she returned she realized that Sara and that friend were talking very affectionately, but she didn’t tell her anything for fear of making her feel bad. He told me sometimes that he was afraid of saying something bad because sometimes when he commented something to Sara, she would get bad, like when he commented on drawings or stories that he created (since he is very passionate about it) she would feel bad because She didn’t draw as well as him or she wasn’t as creative as him, or if he said something related to someone’s appearance she would get upset because she wasn’t pretty or things like that, and Derek was always there for her. That’s why he was afraid to express if something bothered him in the relationship. He told me that she told him that she was with their mutual friend, and that it felt like it was infidelity, but she said that it was partly his fault for leaving her alone and that although she no longer loved him like before, she did love him differently and that they could be friends. He was completely devastated and told me that he couldn’t keep in touch with her since this hurt him a lot, but when he told her, he started saying that he was having an attack, that he wanted to commit suicide and that if he wanted to, she would stop talking to their mutual friend (now her boyfriend) he wanted to console her, that he was stupid for doing this, but this is where I advised him, he wasn’t stupid since he still cared about her, I told him that He had to cut contact with her, tell her what he felt and block her, since she seemed to only want him as Plan B, that she minimized her feelings, that she was dependent on him and that if he continues to meet her demands, they would both hurt each other, that the best way was to separate and not talk again, so that they could both heal, surprisingly he listened to me and blocked Sara, but then Sara’s boyfriend started writing to Derek saying that he should talk to Sara because he was everything was bad, he also blocked it, then he wrote a separate text, where he expressed how he felt during the years of relationship he had with Sara and how he felt, and he sent it to Sara’s boyfriend so that he could give the message to her ( since he didn’t want to see Sara’s chat) and he blocked it again, I was comforting him all night and keeping him company, these days he and I have become closer (he is somewhat reserved) he started telling me things and showing me photos of his new dogs, which I would not have done before, lately we talk a lot more, we stayed up until dawn talking and I feel like I have very strong feelings for him, more than for any man, it’s something strange, I feel like I love him dearly. It’s true, since the love I feel for him… hurts a lot, I feel a discomfort in my chest that doesn’t leave me, every time he makes me laugh, I feel like I get happy and at the same time my chest hurts and makes me want to cry. Because I can’t tell him what I feel, I plan to tell him on January 1st, but the thing is that I don’t know if it’s too early to tell him, I’ve seen that lately he has been improving with the issue of breaking up with Sara, but you should also When she tells me that there are songs that remind her of her, she sends me videos with phrases like “I still remember your smile, but those moments were fake” or things like that, she tells me that she is getting over it and she also thanks me for (in her words) Save his life. The thing is that I cry every night because I can’t tell him what I feel, lately he says that I am the only real friend he has left and that he hopes not to lose contact with me, these things squeeze my heart because I really want to tell him that love , I already wrote separately everything I want to tell him but I don’t even feel good, I still cry every night because I can’t tell him. Sometimes he tells me that he feels bad, and he has shown me drawings that he has made of Sara, in those cases I think about why I didn’t say anything before, because I had seen that Sara was somewhat mean to me in the past, but no. I didn’t say anything because Derek loved her so much. Also, when Derek left, Sara started telling me how she had dedicated a love song to him, but I felt like she was just doing it to show off. To all this I want you to tell me… ¿should I tell Derek how I feel? I don’t want to keep crying every night because I can’t tell him, ¿should I wait a little longer to tell him? ¿How can I deal with this? Sorry for making this so long and I hope someone can help me, thank you very much. If there are some inconsistencies in the text it is because I use a translator and I am somewhat bad at remembering small details.