So I’ve been with my girlfriend for nearly 6 months now, for context we are both 19 and 21. I love her.
In the past I have been in way better shape than I am now, much more stronger, faster etc. The whole lot. Reason as to why I got in good shape in the first place was to help my mental health out after leaving my old group of toxic friends who docked my confidence levels and weren’t right for me.
She knows all of this, but whenever I mention wanting to get back in shape her first response would be about how I’m perfect the way I am, don’t need to do anything like I used to and that she loves me how I am. Now at the beginning it felt endearing, but I didn’t feel as if she was being supportive of my hobby, which has had a massive impact on my life and self confidence and it felt too passive so I brought it up with her.
She said that,well if i was to get in great shape again that she would feel left out; like she wouldn’t belong because of her body. Now I have no issues whatsoever with her body I genuinely love her as she is but it makes me sad and honestly guilty if I was to get into my regimen again. I think part of why I haven’t been able to properly in the last few months wasn’t apparent until now.
So my question is what do I do?
TL;DR: My girlfriend has insecurities about her body and it’s making me feel guilty about going to the gym
11 comments
Do your thing! You shouldn’t let another person’s feelings dictate what you do and how you want your body to look. Especially since it impacts your self confidence as you said
If it’s a problem for her, she can work out too.
Go to the gym anyway. Your health should be top priority. You’ll be in a better state physically and mentally which is good for both of you. Ultimately, there are two outcomes :
1. It’s a deal breaker for her ,it might be painful but if it’s to happen better sooner than later
2. She’ll be inspired to get in shape herself ,which will be really good for her
Going to the gym is important for your mental health. That’s the most significant point here. If she’s not interested in going to the gym, that’s perfectly okay. If she’s ever interested in joining you, that’s great! But this is something you need to do for you.
Go to the gym, enjoy yourself
Dude, you’re not doing it for her you’re doing it for you. Get your ass back to the gym even if she thinks you’re perfect. You sound like you need it. If she feel left out take her along with you
Edit: suggest she come in a subtle way so she doesn’t flip out thinking you’re calling her fat
*Don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm.*
While I apologise for using such a hackneyed phrase, I hope you absorb the meaning in it.
She would rather dissuade you from bettering yourself to keep you on the same level as her, than join you in reaching a better level together.
You go to the gym, 100%! If she is insecure about her body, it is up to her to do something about it, not for you to hold yourself back. Just tell her that you don’t expect her to start working out just because you are and that you love her body as it is right now.
You should go to the gym and do what you want to do. If you explain to her that it’s an important hobby for you, and she expresses again that it’ll make her feel more insecure, then tell her that while you love her and you think she’s beautiful, maybe you two could work out together sometimes so she won’t feel left out.
If ya girl sabotages your gains that’s a red flag mate
So, she’s trying to stop you from pursuing better mental and physical health and confidence, just to stay confident herself? That’s stepping into controlling territory. You need to prioritize yourself and encourage her to seek her own happiness that doesn’t include restricting you from pursuing yours. It’s fine for her to affirm you and say she loves you as you are, but telling you to not better yourself because she’ll feel bad about herself is just gross.