I’m a wedding photographer, and while I’m working I have a whole grab bag of jokes and questions I use while chatting with people.
Whenever there’s an older couple at a wedding, they’ll likely mention how long they’ve been married while talking to me. My typical follow up is, “Wow, what’s the secret?”
I *always* get some kind of joke response. In 13 years of doing this job their response is always something like, “Learning to say yes dear” or some kind of I-hate-my-wife, Al Bundy-esque humor.
I had my last wedding of the year a few days ago, and was talking to this man who had been married to his wife for 54 years. He was talking about her so sweetly that it should have tipped me off.
When I asked him what the secret was, without missing a beat he told me, “You need you realize that every five years or so you’re married to an entirely different person. People change, we’re supposed to, and you have to learn to love them a little differently sometimes.”
It truly caught me by surprise and my eyes immediately watered and I got choked up.
He continued, “Most people make the mistake of thinking that marriage is like a big box of presents, and that over time that box gets emptier and emptier. In reality, you’re the one putting presents in the box for your spouse and keeping it full for them, and they you.”
At this point I’m just openly crying. I’ve been with my husband 10 years, married for 3. We have a wonderful partnership.
I’ve been watching my parents’ marriage fall apart recently, largely because of them changing and not showing up for each other, and this guy just really struck a chord with me.
I don’t think I’ll ever forget it.