Me (29M) and my boyfriend (30M) have been together for 4 years. I am gay and he is bi. The relationship has been mostly good and we treat each other well, but I have been feeling it start to wither over the past year. We love each other, but our romantic love styles don’t match, and I love him more as a great friend than romantically. I always thought I would marry him anyway and I could just adjust my preferences forever. I spoke like id always be with him and now feel guilty for changing my mind. But I find myself constantly ignoring my preferences and boundaries (both emotionally and sexually) to accommodate his feelings and keep him happy, but I’m worn down. I can’t do it any longer. I’ve put a lot of thought in over the past year and tried to have conversations and work it out, but I just don’t see myself staying with him forever. We also have so many good memories together and have invested so much time and effort into the relationship, I feel like it’s too late to leave. Yet, its not fair to either of us to have to change who we are or what we want at our core to keep the relationship afloat forever. There’s compromise, and then there’s losing a part of yourself to forever accommodate. He doesn’t see it that way at all and has purchased a ring to propose, which I found in our room while cleaning a few months ago. I felt ice in my veins when I found it. He says he would change absolutely anything about himself for me, but 1. That doesn’t seem healthy 2. It doesn’t feel fair to ask him to 3. I have been mentally checked out of the relationship for a while now and I don’t think any changes would even help at this point. I know I want to end the relationship, but I have no idea how to go about it. I can’t stomach the thought of crushing his heart, which I know would happen because he is extremely emotionally dependent on me for his happiness and isn’t close with friends or family. He feels his entire life and future hinges on me. I’m not sure he could continue to function if I left, as he already struggles with loneliness, depression and suicidal thoughts. The weight of keeping is both afloat emotionally is suffocating me, but I don’t know how to break his heart. I constantly think of wanting the relationship to be over, but just picturing starting that conversation with him makes me tear up. I feel so stuck by my desire to take care of him emotionally and not bring the future he has imagined crashing down. It’s not fair to him to be with someone who isn’t 100% committed to him but I have no idea how to go about/can’t stomach breaking his heart.
TLDR: I want to end my relationship but feel completely responsible for my partners emotional state and happiness. How can I end it when I can’t bear breaking his heart (but know it will)?