I am having a hard time with this because of course I am the common denominator.
I was triggered because I had reached out to one of them wishing him a happy birthday and he pretty much left the msg on read. In this regard earlier I the year I had reached out prior with the hopes of getting together and he would say yes in Jan, Jan would be resched to Feb, Feb to March, etc. I was very honest with him saying that I felt cast aside and like an after thought. I told him if there was anything on my end that lead to him doing so because I wanted to own it and work on it. He responded by apologizing and saying no I love you Im sorry let’s talk this out I will call you on x day. I agreed and no call from him, I told him I felt silly because I waited all day. He responded by stating he had had a long day and was apologetic he said he would call. He never reached out and it’s been since April. I interpreted his silence and I rationalized if he wanted to, if the friendship mattered to him then he would. Radio silence.
Another friend did a similar thing she would reschedule me and I just stopped trying. I just gave her space because I knew that she was going through stuff and did not take it personally. I did realize though that I do not appreciate just being cut off like that so in that regard I did not press further and accepted the situation for what it was.
Two girls I was going through a hard time and was a hot mess/disaster. I was still reeling from my breakup and family issues going on. We went on a trip and I was just an anxious mess and I recognize that I was being distant. In hindsight I wish I was forthright about my feelings going in and rescheduled the trip or just not gone.
One of the friendships just came to a natural end due to distance and natural life things.
My ego is a bit bruised though and I have been in therapy, just trying to figure it out. Work on myself and own up to my part in the ending of these friendships. It just burns and it has triggered self esteem issues from my past. My self worth and my value as a friend. I feel guilty about the friendships ending and just have a hard time letting it go because I feel like a shitty person and that I suck because of loosing these 7+ yrs of friendships.
Sorry for the grammar disasters. Any constructive criticism is appreciated.