I dated a few bpd girls and at this point I may as well be asexual.
I like the idea of having a girlfriend and I would like to have a sweet cozy time together but I have a lot of difficulty getting turned on by anyone and I haven’t felt attracted to anyone. I also feel pretty unattractive and not like a sexual being. Something about sex makes me feel great anxiety and discomfort.
I’ve been celibate on and off for a few years and haven’t had the desire, or perhaps willpower, or maybe the ability to get laid. Perhaps I’m just not hot enough to sleep with anyone I’m attracted to, or it’s some mental excuse to avoid being close to anyone. It takes some effort as a guy to get laid and you can easily go several years without sex if you’re not trying to pursue people. I’ve mostly focused on my hobbies and doing my own thing but I can’t imagine being single this long is good for my mental health. It is becoming lonely.
People really understate how damaging a bpd partner can be in the long term.