We went shopping together and we paid for our own items at the cashier. However, I missed the forks when splitting our stuff, and he paid for the forks altogether with his items. The forks cost $5. He said I owed him $5 and I got kind of upset NOT because I do not want to pay back. I actually did transfer him the money. I was upset mainly because such kind of things involving small money happened many times. I feel he cares too much about money.
I mentioned to him that I do not care about small money like these and if I paid $5 for him, I would not ask him to pay back, because in the long run, our expenses will cancel out (we are not talking about big money here, but just a few dollars). I also mentioned that I recently bought some small kitchen stuff for him and did not ask him for money. He did not ask me to buy it but I think he will benefit from it to make cleaning easier. But he replied “Ok, then we are even. But I don’t want you to spend money for me, this is the difference.” I feel I’m not appreciated if I buy things for him and he does not want to buy things for me either. He holds the opinion that he is not responsible for my daily expenses. If he pays for me, then it is a gift. Whereas for me, I sometimes buy some daily stuff for him, because I would like to and he may need it. I never think about whether it is a gift or it is an expense which I should ask him to pay back, because I don’t really care.
I understand he is tight on money, because he has mortgage, utility bills, household expenses and everything all paid by himself. And his parents and daughter are all dependent on him. I understand he is trying to save as much as he can. He buys food on clearance and would skip eating altogether sometimes to save money. We eat mostly at home (I paid for grocery mostly), but if we do need to eat out occasionally, he would pay. He did buy a $120 flight ticket instead of a $40 one (budget airline) just because I have flying anxiety and won’t go with the cheap one, but of course I would need to compromise on other things during travel due to his tight budget.
He said I’m overreacting on that $5. I would like to get some different opinions and ask for suggestions on how to deal with such situation.
EDIT: I have to clarify something on my original post, because my words were causing some misunderstanding. He is not really in financial distress, he earns decent income (6-figure) but lives frugally. $5 would not make or break him. He always goes for the cheapest option, that is his frugal habit. I was not upset about that $5, but rather upset about how he wants to calculate clearly for everything which feels more like transactions– not what couples would do in a relationship.
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TL;DR My bf cares about money too much and I get frustrated over that. Any suggestions?