I got back with my ex , just like the title says. I feel a bit lost. I thought we had changed and grew and we definietly did , for sure. But I’m worried I have outgrown her. She loves me a lot and wants to plan future together with me however some of our morals and ideologies about our future/relationship don’t match.
I seem to want more from her in terms of
communication, which if I would explain more in detail would make sense why I do. To put it simply I just don’t feel like we are on the same page if that makes sense. We lack fundamentals and each time it seems to be getting better we get into an argument. I don’t want to make myself seem like a hero or like I’m anywhere without to blame, however I seem to calm every single argument down, talk her through, explain and come up with a resolution. It started to get really tiring down on me and reminds me of our past together.
We are planning to move in with each other, however we have some money issues going on right now, so nothing is set in stone but we have a good idea of where we want to be in next couple of months. Well the problem is she wants to suddenly spend a good portion of the money on a trip to reward herself for working hard. I wouldn’t have any problem with that, I’m supportive if anything however the trip is to another country, for few days, for a winter activity which would turn out expensive. She is in a quite large amount of credit debt so I told her it’s a bad idea and explained my reasoning behind it. All that blew up into a huge argument.
I don’t know, I’m just really reflecting on past couple weeks, and few months about our relationship. I have this feeling to end it because I’m afraid the change I desperatly want isn’t going to happen. I started to get slowly anxious about us, the lack of proper communication that I would want from her. The problem is that she doesn’t complain about me whatsover, I seem to be doing everything fine and good for her, she doesn’t complain about lack of affection, communication or anything else from me. It’s me who seems to be constantly wanting more from her without demanding, it’s just the feeling of disappointment and longing for something that isn’t completely there that I get.
My best friend who is like a sister to me said that I am too forgiving, and I just look in what’s best in people and ignoring whatever else, constantly trying to fix them. I feel like a sacrifical lamb that is there for the person to grow honestly. It hurts me , I am aware of myself and my personality. I know I do a lot wrong and the best decision would be for me to be alone.
I just wanted to let that out, if anybody has read this far congratulations, and if you have any advice or something else to say I’d want to hear it