My (36F) husband (39M) and I have always had regular sex over our 20 year relationship. Usually once a week. He would always finish and I would usually finish (if I didn’t finish it’s because I didn’t feel like it and was fine with just focusing on him – he’s very generous in bed). But my husband often expressed a desire to have more sex and for me to initiate more often. I would try and then eventually some months later he would have to express these things again and there we’d go. It was a strain. Not a major one (well, to me, but I bet he felt differently) but one nonetheless.
After we had our first baby (I was 33 and he was 36) we got busy again the day that I was medically cleared for sex (I think it was 4 weeks post partum). Since then he has been struggling to keep up with me which has been a crazy change. One thing since getting pregnant is that I was off the birth control I’ve been on since I was 17. So man when it was ovulation time I was like a cat in heat. It was wild.
And then the two subsequent pregnancies… holy fuck I have never been so horny in my life. I learned that women have more estrogen while pregnant than they ever will for the whole rest of their non-pregnant life. Pregnancy manifests really differently for every woman but for me I just seem to get progressively more horny every pregnancy.
I am cooking the 3rd baby now and I literally think about sex all the time. I masturbate at least 3 times a day (yes I make time, even with a toddler, a baby, a full time job, and physically uncomfortable from being so pregnant – it’s stunning how you can make time for things when you’re motivated). This is in addition to my husband getting me off 1-2x a week. I truly feel like I’m able to actually empathize with 18 year old men.
This amount of libido is just… it’s crazy. It’s totally not understandable until you’re in it. I’ve never been heavier or less in shape than I am right now and I’ve also never been this confident in my body and things I want to try (crazy to imagine what shenanigans we could have gotten into when we were in our early 20s if our libido had matched then). And it’s weird to be able to truly empathize with both sides of the coin – I’ve been that partner that has chronic migraines, who didn’t want to have sex when we were going to bed because we “needed” to go to sleep, who just dreaded being propositioned for sex because while I love this man and want him to be happy I just couldn’t think of anything I’d rather do less. And now I’m basically a free use wife with 50 different kinks I want to try and I’m waiting for him to be in the mood and doing my best to be patient because wanting it 3x a day is not rational.
I also know that many women experience a higher libido in their late 30s. Maybe that’s what’s happening to me also.
Either way – I hope I can find a way despite future birth control and future menopause to keep this level of libido up. This is fucking awesome.