**TL;DR!** \- I prioritized work and education being on a survival mode out of necessity to overcome poverty. As a result, I lack dating experience and I am concerned about my perception. I’m (36M) a late bloomer here.
I dated just a little bit when I was in early 20s and late 20s. It’s been a while because dating was never a priority for me. I grew up from a poor family, raised by a single mother, and I was on a full survival mode throughout my entire 20s and some part of my 30s.
I didn’t prioritize social life and romance in my 20s because I was busy trying to crawl out of poverty. I didn’t have the money, I didn’t feel good about where I was at in life, I felt that I had nothing to offer. Therefore, I went on a grind while being isolated.
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In my early 20s, I was providing financial support to my family. I was working full-time or working two jobs, while I was also a student. I never really had any kind of back up or financial support while my family needed my assistance. Therefore, I kept working, being stuck at low wage entry level jobs. I was a waiter, delivery driver, warehouse worker driving a forklift, production assistance, sales etc you name it.
Fast forward, I went back to school in my late 20s. While I worked through most of school, I did really well, transferred to a reputable public university, got a bachelors in an engineering degree, working in tech as a software engineer with a comfortable salary.
Upon graduation, my friend recommended that I working on social skills/interpersonal skills by making friends and learn to enjoy life before I start dating. This is exactly what I did.
Since then, I was able to make friends, took care of myself by going to the gym lifting weights, I found hobbies such as snowboarding and playing in a softball league with my friends, I travel. I also have girlfriends who are supportive of me, complimenting my character, my physical appearance (fitness and fashion), volunteering to be my matchmaker when I didn’t even ask, wants to help me with dating profiles etc.
This past year, I was set up and went on a date, I’ve been asked out once. And this was without me being intentionally seeking or asking. I tried to let it come naturally. But upcoming year, I want to be more intentional and want to find someone for the first time in a long time.
However, I’ve always sort of carried this insecurity of “what if women don’t want me because of my lack of experience in dating?” “what if they assume I must be in bed by default and pass me on?”
I know that my entire life story isn’t the first thing I am going to talk about. I can hold a conversation, I think I have decent communication skills(active listening, asking questions, relevant topics), common sense, intelligence, empathy and I don’t think I’m socially inept. I know I have a lot to offer while I have the self-awareness and a lot of self-criticism to better myself.
But I am really afraid that I would be judged and passed on by women when I actually start dating with an intention and things get more serious