My (30f) boyfriend’s (25m) friends use the R word like it’s their job. I know I can’t police what other people say, but this word really bothers me. I’m (finally) testing for autism next week, and my brother (28m, also autistic) has brain damage that was caused by sepsis as a baby. We have both been called that word and I just can’t stand hearing it used so carelessly, especially coming from people who know it’s a slur, but just don’t care.
My boyfriend doesn’t use the word, but he excuses his friends, saying “what is it to me that they use that word? I’m not their mom” I’m getting bothered by this and I don’t know how to bring it up with the friends without getting overly emotional. I almost want to skip out on our New Year’s plans because I know I’m going to hear that word repeatedly and finally lose it.
I don’t want to break up with my bf, but I’m seeing this as a red flag. We just moved in together, too… How do I handle this? Should I confront the friends or just avoid them?
TLDR: people around me constantly use a word that makes me upset and uncomfortable, and my bf doesn’t care because he’s friends with them.