My (27F) boyfriend (27M) and I have been dating for about a year and a half. When we first met, he wasn’t sure whether or not he wanted to stay in academia or pursue a full time career after his doctorate is complete (he’s getting a PhD in a STEM field). Within the last 4-6 months, he’s decided that he wants to stay in academia. He has about 2ish years left in the program.
To be honest, I am not sure that is for me. I work full time in a demanding profession, own my home, have my own car, etc. He doesn’t really have any of that and is very much still stuck in college student mindset/mode imo, and I think it puts a strain on our relationship at times because we feel out of touch from each other about our daily lives.
We had been getting really serious lately, he came with me to my family’s for Thanksgiving, we were talking about kids, marriage, once he’s done with his doctorate.
But to be honest, I don’t want to to move anywhere, let alone across the country (he’s considering places like CA and we live in the northeast) for his post doctorate. I don’t like that his schedule changes every semester, or that he doesn’t know what some real world adult problems are like. For example, he doesn’t drive and because most of his life is within a 5-10 mile radius it doesn’t really impact him much. And he thinks we’ll always be able to live in a walkable city.
I don’t know the best way to think about this. Or what’s worth what. He is deeply loyal, very funny, wicked smart, etc. I trust him completely but I don’t think this lifestyle is what I actually want for myself long term.
Should we call it quits now? How do I talk to him about this? I don’t want to discourage him from pursuing his passions, but I also don’t want to be stuck in the academic lifestyle.
TL;DR: My boyfriend wants to stay in academia and that is not the lifestyle I want. I am considering breaking up so we can be with more compatible people.