I forced my husband to open the private vault in his phone. I discovered a shrine of nude pictures of his ex girlfriend who apparently has an onlyfans and nude pictures of the online sex worker he cheated on me with. When confronted he swore he no longer communicated with them they were old pictures he had saved the entire time we were reconciling the marriage in his phone. My heart is breaking. The fact he would still have nude pictures of the woman he cheated on me with knowing how bad what he did destroyed me. I don’t know what to do. How can someone hurt a person like this they claim to love. He claims he needed the pictures to control himself from reaching out to them because he does not want to be with them. Which makes absolutely no sense. I feel like ive thrown away four years of my life.
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You’re right when you say it doesn’t make sense. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
He’s not showing much remorse. More like these pics will tide me over until I can do it again. I feel for you OP.
Dammit. I’m so sorry and wish we could give you a hug.
There is no “need” for these kinds of pictures. He CHOSE to keep them, and to keep them secret, so that he could continue to enjoy himself with them-and with you.
He is not, in fact, reconciling the marriage, he’s just made his activities more discrete and hopes you’ll “reconcile the marriage” on your own (obviously, that’s not how either reconciling or marriage works, but it seems to be what he’s banking on).
Sorry to tell u this but you have wasted ur life with some who does not deserve you accepted it and now move on. Do not waist anymore time with this guy
I had something kind to say about an ex-girlfriend from High School and it really bothered my wife for years. She’s brought it up at least a dozen times. I now know that those relationships may as well have never happened and to never mention or think about those people again. Ever.
The way you’re feeling is normal. He shouldn’t have nudes of other women at all, especially ex’s.
I don’t understand what he means. Sorry. Maybe my comment is stupid.
This simply means that the reconciliation was false. He just tried to reconcile whilst planning to hide the future cheating better.
Time for you to respect yourself more than he does, and make a choice for yourself.
In my experience, and from what I’ve witnessed from friends and family, once a cheater always a cheater – A man who cheats on a woman will continue to cheat on her whether he has previously been caught or not. He might slow down for a bit, but after a while when things cool down and life feels comfortable (boring) again, he WILL cheat again… with the same women or with new women. For men like him, it’s just a matter of opportunity and not getting caught. They convince themselves that as long as you don’t find out, they haven’t done anything wrong. “What mama doesn’t know can’t hurt her.”
Find a new man. You deserve better.
Spank bank. There is a reason he kept them.
I don’t know. Maybe be glad it’s only 4 years and not 20. No way he “needs” the pictures to control himself. He wants to keep the pics either for memories or to get off
He’s showing you exactly who is he, I was cheated on and stayed and that was the wrong decision and I left and I’m remarried and happy so you have to decide if this is something you can live with, I know it’s hard to leave but you deserve better
Throw away the whole husband.
Sorry you are going through this
I would leave he doesn’t respect you
He needs nudes to “control himself from reaching out to them”…
It sounds like your husband is more emotionally connected with his ex and a sex worker than you.
“He claims he needed the pictures to control himself from reaching out to them because he does not want to be with them.”
What kind of dummy uses this as an excuse.
Leave
Look OP, I am terribly, terribly sorry that you are going through this. This statement stuns me:
“He claims he needed the pictures to control himself from reaching out to them because he does not want to be with them. ”
That says to me that he has a real f*cking problem that he should seek help about. If that statement is just lip service, then that is insulting, and if true, then that is a sign that he has problems that I know are way out of my educational background and far above my paygrade to figure out.
Sadly, I personally don’t expect you to stick around for that, but I do wish you the very best in navigating this.
He made a choice in keeping those pictures. It’s not about self-control it’s about him putting himself ahead of the marriage.
It’s your turn to make a choice as well. I encourage you to choose you and find your own happiness. It will hurt like hell to move through but it will be worth it. You do not deserve being with someone who isn’t choosing you and your marriage every single second of every day. Good luck OP. I’m rooting for you.
I am all for giving someone a second chance. However, if they fuck it up (especially in the same way/same person) there’s no more chances.
Sorry this is happening to you.
His reasoning is disingenuous at best, a flat out lie at worst. It’s a lot easier to leave a four year relationship feeling like you’ve wasted your time and energy than it is to leave a 40 year marriage that has sucked your whole life away. You can choose not to waste any more of your life on someone who clearly doesn’t value you in the same way or you can choose to feel lied to, cheated on and manipulated for the rest of your life. Four years really isn’t long when you look at the whole picture.
I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Well, don’t throw away any more years with him
If I said, “girl, FUCK HIM!” And you should just leave, I’d be a hypocrite. So instead I will say, if you’d prefer to not have to live this way and he has shown you what he wants to keep doing, either leave and do you or stay and continue feeling this way. Good luck. It sucks to experience this.
How do you know if someone has a private vault on their phone?
I’d have a hard time believing he was truly remorseful for what he had done if he did t get rid of the pictures. If I was ashamed of something I had done I would get rid of all evidence.
That being said, if he wasn’t actually remorseful I would be worried history would repeat itself
The only thing worse than wasting four years is wasting four years and a day.
Divorce him and move on with your life
Well dont throw anymore years away.
ONLY 4 years is the way you should look at it; don’t throw away another 4, get strong, work on a plan and leave. There are so many good, good men out there that would not treat your feelings this poorly.
By his reasoning the best way to control your cigarette cravings to prevent you from relapse of smoking is to hold cigarettes, sniff them, put them in your mouth without lighting them –
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His explanation makes no sense. He is lying and you can’t trust him. Behavior speaks louder than words. What is his behavior telling you?
Op keeps saying she wasted 4 years! Omg just 4. Please if you find the strength. RUN. So many women in my life waste 20 years before they find out. And they still leave so please don’t give up!