To preface this, my gay male friend is not religious. He is an atheist and these aren’t religious beliefs but personal ones.
We both live in a state that already has extreme abortion restrictions. I am a person who can’t take certain birth controls for specific medical reasons so when Roe V Wade things get discussed I am obviously extra nervous. I am also at higher risk for ectopic pregnancy.
My friends and I were chatting about birth control options in a group chat. We are all 21+ and live in different places for college but talk often. It’s three girls and then our male friend. I was sharing my concern with ectopic pregnancy risk (a pregnancy that occurs outside of the uterus and is fatal to the mother but also could never produce a child because it’s outside the uterus). My male friend began to say how it was a shame if something like a pregnancy that could lead to my death were to occur but it was my “role as a woman to carry out any pregnancy that I signed up for”. The whole thing made me sick and uncomfortable that one, a friend would suggest that a pregnancy that would lead to my death would be a burden I should carry ie i should just die. But also he is a homosexual male and therefore has very little knowledge and education on women’s reproductive health. I have stopped talking to him all together for this comment. It made me so uncomfortable and changed my opinion of him. He has not attempted to reach out and I’m considering leaving the friendship all together
41 comments
Leave the friendship, he might not know how pregnancy works, but that doesn’t really matter, he knows you could die if you have it, but he said you have to die anyway to complete some type of role, he’s delusional and not worth being friends with.
Just end the friendship. He has no respect for you. I mean he expects of you to die for a pregnancy that has no hope in the first place.
If he would have respect for you he would educate himself about the topic.
I’d ditch him but before I did I’d tell him he’s an ass and that’s why you’re not friends anymore. Getting pregnant shouldn’t bea death sentence and anyone who thinks it should is a bad friend and in at least one aspect a bad person.
Don’t leave the friend group unless they agreed with him. Definitely kick his backside to the curb. It’s like people are so focused on an agenda that they can’t see it’s not a one size fits all predicament. A gay male should understand having who you are legislated and moralized without consent.
it’s not “role as a woman” to carry any pregnancy, and no , there was no sign up for it.
leave this friendship, this person is not your friend. He is actually quite opposite of it.
It’s not your job to (1) teach him about reproductivity or (2) how to treat other people with respect.
This ain’t a friendship worth saving, OP and your instincts are definitely spot-on.
well i’d tell him we’re both breaking out of our roles since he’s not in the role of impregnating women as he’s “meant” to be 🙄
I’m surprised you didn’t shoot back with “It’s your role as a man to have sex with women and get them pregnant” since he’s assigning gender roles.
I’m not one to get into debates about abortion, but an ectopic pregnancy has 0 chance of creating a living baby. It’s not even a real pregnancy. What a dickhead.
Tell him not to have one…
What did the other women say? I know what I would have said. “Do you have a uterus? No. The STFU. Your opinion is null and void cause it’ll never affect you.”
Does he realize the stupidity of his statement in regards to himself. If a woman’s role is to carry a baby through pregnancy then a man’s role would be to impregnate women. Tell him to stop fucking dudes because he’s shirking his biological duties.
His comment is idiotic. People on both sides of the abortion debate can bring logical arguments to the debate, but an ectopic pregnancy is simply not viable and to say it so callously is mean. I’ve been there and it’s not fun.
>But also he is a homosexual male and therefore has very little knowledge and education on women’s reproductive health.
I fail to see why this would excuse him from paying attention at biology lessons at school, or using a few brain cells.
To me, he sounds more like what we call in the Netherlands: a “Relnicht” which is a gay person taking controversial stances/having controversial opinions just to be the center of attention.
Best thing imo would just be to stop dealing with him. Someone who wishes You a painful death is not really a friend i think.
I hope he appreciates the fact that his rights to live as a gay male are likely to get upended as a result of this decision and you hope he will be totally content when he looses his rights to make decisions about his own identity and how he lives his life (which is less impactful than you losing your rights to make decisions about your actual body and life.). Also, since when did a woman who has sex “sign up” for a pregnancy, much less sign-up to die if something goes wrong. It would be bad enough if he believed a fetus (unborn, incapable of living outside the womb and not fully developed) had equal rights to a woman, but he is taking on the right-wing talking point that this might-someday be a person collection of cells actually has more rights than a woman. His attitude is that an outcome where both mother and fetus die is better than an outcome where only the fetus fails to survive, since, if the mother dies before viability, the fetus will not survive. So there is not fetus lives, mom dies outcome.
I really hate this narrative especially from the LGBTQ. Men who aren’t “carrying out their natural duties” suddenly think they have the right to tell women to “carry out their natural duties”? What in the actual fuck? Where do they buy the specific brand of hypocrisy and audacity from?
Sometimes the hardware doesn’t match the software; he should know
And who signs up for an ectopic pregnancy
Either he’s a sociopath or an edgelord. Either way, ick.
Turn around and tell him he doesnt deserve to have marriage rights because the bible says he is an abomination and he should just accept that because that is what he signed up for with being gay
Your gay male atheist friend has religious beliefs. That bullshit has the church written all over it.
>I have stopped talking to him all together for this comment.
>
> He has not attempted to reach out
Seems the problem is solving itself. For the record, being a gay male doesn’t mean he doesn’t have some inherently misogynistic views on women.
That’s not even about his lack of knowledge on women’s reproductive health. It’s about misogyny. Him being gay does not exempt him from being sexist. A woman’s role? What does he mean by that ?
He’s an idiot, and this is a view I hope he comes to regret one day
You lose nothing by losing this friendship.
He seems to be ignorant of basic facts. Ectopic pregnancies cannot be carried to term. They are a major risk to the woman’s life. The women who experience it generally would have carried the babies to term if they could. It’s not a choice. He should learn about the topic before expressing ill informed opinions.
# Pregnancy Begins With A Penis….Notice how NOBODY is TRYING to REGULATE, CONTROL or HELL, even comment about that.
I wonder how would react if he contracted HIV and you said he should refuse medical treatment even though he would die, you know nature’s plan and all. He knew having sex could cause it so it’s his fault, right?
Your “friend” is perfectly content to see you enslaved, and to risk dying from the pregnancy. Think about that while you decide to be friends with him in future or not.
Unfortunately I have experienced some of the most disgusting misogyny and objectification from gay men. As I like to say when this inevitably comes up: at least straight men want to fuck us enough to play nice.
Don’t stay friends with this jack-hole. It’s not fair to you and he doesn’t deserve you anyway. It’s not worth fighting to “fix” his opinions, he’s just a shitty person. Save your energy for reassuring yourself during these absolutely terrifying times, doll.
So easy for him to say! I feel a faction of men, gay and straight, has no concept of how complicated having an innie is, nor are they interested in learning, they just say, ew, that’s all your problem, ladies. So sorry you, and any woman for that matter has to be informed by any ma’am if this faction what they think as their uneducated opinions on the subject is garbage.
So he’s not religious he’s just a misogynist?
Please do not re-establish this friendship. This guy said that he believes your role is to risk death rather than have medical care.
Yeah I would fully cut him out of your life and if any mutual friends ask why, be honest with them. He doesn’t deserve your discretion.
I am also a gay athiest (well agnostic) and I am pro choice as hell. I also know damn well that it is nowhere near my place to voice my opinion on the matter. I think they are just trying to be edgy or something and really don’t seem like someone you need in your life, especially if they’re upsetting you.
Eh misogyny is rife in the gay community, so you should just drop him like a hot potato. He views women as nothing more than incubators.
Not only is this sexist. It’s just ignorant. An ectopic pregnancy is not a viable pregnancy anyone can carry to full term. It is a medical emergency. The embryo can’t be transplanted into the uterus if outside it, and a pregnancy cannot be supported without the rich blood supply of the uterus. That these can be criminalized is unconscionable.
If you’re “meant to” carry out a pregnancy, he’s “meant to” plant one in a woman. He needs to stop choosing to be gay and instead, start following his biological calling to be with a woman, have children with her and then provide for them. 🙄
Wow! That’s insane. As someone who went through an ectopic it’s such an emotional thing to go through. Especially as I almost died. So by your friends opinion I should be dead. That’s disgusting. It’s been 8 years and I still sometimes think I’d be a mum of an 7yr old. But I may not have had my 2 children I have now. I would let him know it’s interesting that he has this opinion on something he doesn’t understand. Imagine having someone tell you you can’t get married to the person you love because you role as man is not working.
Leave the friendship. He’s a shitty person.
Oh, and on the way out, ask him why he isn’t out fucking women to fulfill his role as a man. Also ask him how dying early from a nonviable pregnancy with 0% chance of producing even a premature baby fulfills your role as a woman more than using an abortion to survive and carry healthy pregnancies to term.
Ok, you should probably just sever and live your best life, but *what the fuck is wrong with him*.
So he’s pro-death of the mother.
No uterus, no opinion.
“He Who Hath Not A Uterus Should Just Stfu”
– Fallopians 13 13