I’ve developed significant resentment over combining finances. I always envisioned combining finances. I come from a family that did not, and it caused a lot of issues and trauma that I didn’t want to pass down to my children.
My wife (38f) has been married for 10 years previously. Her and her ex were making 30k, 35k respectively (or there abouts). She never pushed him to combine finances, they both split bills, and I think he paid a little more as he took the mortgage on. When they split up, she declined all alimony and child support, even though the court entitled in.
With me (34m), she’s a stay at home mom, so I am the sole provider. In direct contrast with her exhusband, she is adamant about combining finances. I make 200k, and have always done the finances (extremely well I must add). I just got done paying 70k off in debt , and am finally about to start saving our nest egg in 2024.
I’m a relatively big spender, and love treating my wife and I (yes, it is fair between us). She on the other hand, wants us to save up for our kids (2 step, 1 ours) college and wedding and future. Our oldest is just about ready to go to college. Her and her ex haven’t saved up anything substantial, and now my wife Is asking us to contribute as much as we can since we can now afford it.
I feel like I’m getting the short end of the stick. Just because I went to college, work my ass off, and have a good salary, I’m treated differently than her ex.
How can I get over this feeling? It’s to the point where I’m getting trapped , anxious, and borderline depressed. Splitting up is not an option, I did research on child support and splitting retirement, and assets (she has separate property, so I would get royally fcked). and that puts me into more depression.