So I had a falling out with one of my closest friends.
Over the last year and a bit, she developed a drug problem. Mainly coke, but pills as well. She struggled with mental health issues and that seemed to get worse as the drug use increased. And as that was happening, the two of us slipped into codependency. She told me has a history of codependency and it was something she was worried about in romantic relationships (which this was not). I don’t have a history of codependency (didn’t even realize that’s what was happening until after the fact), but it’s clear to me that I can be susceptible to it. I don’t want to wash my hands of blame for the codependency, it takes two to tango and I absolutely contributed to that, whether I was aware of it or not.
Towards the end, I called her out on her drug use. Not confrontationally, but out of concern and a place of love. After that, our friendship never really recovered and eventually we had a blow-out. She, pretty out of the blue, exploded at me. She insulted a dead friend of mine (who OD’d from laced coke), picked my character apart, and called me just about every name in the book. It wasn’t the first time she’d blown up at someone like this, and I was usually the one she’d end up coming to about feeling guilty over the mean things she’d said.
I didn’t argue back or throw insults, but I didn’t make much effort to mend things either. I had been growing frustrated with her for a while, was struggling with my own mental health, and this was the straw (or anvil) that broke the camel’s back. I explicitly ended our friendship and went completely no-contact for about half a year.
While I was angry and frustrated, I still cared about her and worried about how she was doing. I also felt a lot of guilt for not being a better friend to her and for being so cold when I cut her off. I don’t think there was a day where she didn’t cross my mind at all. So I reached out to see if she wanted to talk about things.
We exchanged apologies, she told me she missed me, I’d been showing up in her dreams, and that she was too stubborn to reach out and didn’t feel that it was her place to do so (which is fair, and I hadn’t left any avenue for her to contact my anyways). I asked her if she wanted to catch up, she updated me on her life and told me she was drug-free and in a happy relationship (her bf had apparently been pushing her to make things right with me). I told her how I was extremely happy for her and that I never stopped caring for her or rooting for her to do well in life. Admittedly it was a very gushy message, but it was an emotional moment. I asked her a couple of questions and I never heard from her again.
I was pretty hurt about the ghosting, but I moved on with my life and came to terms with the notion that, that was it and we weren’t ever going to speak again. Fast-forward about 2 months and on Christmas Eve, I get an IG follow request from her. I sat on it for a few days before declining it. While I would very much like to have her in my life as a friend, what I don’t want is a social media acquaintance that will just be a bitter reminder of a friendship that I no longer have.
It’s been about a week since then and I’m in some emotional turmoil over this. I don’t know if her wanting to follow me was her attempt at offering an olive-branch, or the start of rebuilding our friendship. And if that is the case, I think she’d be too prideful and stubborn to tell me. But maybe I’m the stubborn one here. Maybe I’m being immature about this. Fights happen, and friendships have come back from worse.
Aside from this speedbump, my life is in a great place right now. My mental health is exponentially better than before, my life is going pretty great. If I leave things as they are, I’ll eventually get over it and leave it in the past. But I don’t know if that’s my best course of action.
I’ve never lost a friend in this way before so I’m really having a hard-time here. Like sure, I’ve had friends that I’ve drifted away from, but never anything like this.
TL;DR: I had a falling out with one of my best friends (drug use, codependency, and both of us struggling with mental health were the main causes) and cut her out of my life for half a year. I eventually reached out, she apologized, then ghosted me while catching up. Now she wants to follow me on social media. I’m at a loss for what to do. Part of me says no, it’s not worth it. Part of me misses her a lot and wants to see if the friendship can be salvaged. Overall, I’m at a loss for what to do.
Do I explore the possibility of rebuilding the friendship, or just leave things as they are?