My girlfriend (20/f) and I (21/m) have been together for about a year now, since January of last year. We’ve spent enough time together that we are able to be open and have conversations about past relationships, ones that ended well and ones that didn’t, for both of us. It has been nice to finally meet and have a relationship with someone who is open and honest in communication. My last girlfriend wasn’t great at communicating, and my current girlfriend knows the circumstances of that past relationship. I thank her for being honest with me, and she knows I value good communication. In good communication, we had agreed that we are together exclusively. This is NOT an open relationship. We are open to each other, but not to others who might want to join in. That’s not okay with me, and she knows that.
I work a retail job. One night I had a late shift, and my girlfriend told me that she was going to a party. Because we are committed to each other, we have good communication, and we trust each other, I didn’t think much of it. Her friends from high school were there, and I would never suspect them of egging her on to do something to hurt me. I am on good terms with all of them. Or, at least I was.
So it’s whatever. I finish my shift and go to bed. She comes home and goes to bed. But when I wake up and check Instagram, one of her friends posted a photo kissing my girlfriend. She knew that this particular friend was a girl I liked in high school, and I am still sensitive about it. I guess that didn’t matter to her. I don’t think she was drunk, we’re both straight edge. Maybe she lied about being straight edge and drinks without me. That would be disappointing, but it wouldn’t be as disappointing as her kissing her friend, and my high school crush, while sober. I asked her about it and showed her the pictures, and she says she doesn’t want to talk about it. It’s upsetting.
My first thought is that this is obvious cheating, but without much detail, I don’t feel comfortable making a judgment quite yet. Maybe something awful happened to her that could explain the photo, and she doesn’t want to talk about the pain. I just can’t imagine what that would be. If she’s not gonna talk to me, I don’t know where to begin. Should I message the one who posted the photo what happened? Call one of her other friends who was there? I’m upset. Maybe our communication isn’t as open and honest as I thought it was. I just wish things could go back to how they were before, where we are honest with each other and trust each other. What’s my first move?
TLDR: My girlfriend of 1 year kissed another girl at a party while I was at work, and it’s weird because I was into said girl in HS. Photos turned up online, she won’t talk to me about it, and I don’t know where to begin.