Hello, I’m new here and English isn’t my first language so I apologise for any mistakes I might make.
So I’m a 21 year old guy and I’ve been friends with this wonderful 22 year old girl for almost five years now (we were 16 and 17 when we met). I met her five years after my mom died and I’ll be honest she’s been like a rock for me during that time, I was quite lonely and didn’t really have any real friends until I met her. For about. 6 months after I met her we used to have lunch together every day and we would text really often. I actually had feelings for her for a while but I never dared admit it to anyone, partly because I was lacking in confidence but also because she was in a relationship at the time. Regardless of that fact, she was and still is one of the most important person in my life. As August came around I left the country to go spend a year in the USA and that sort of drove us apart in a sense since we couldn’t do anything together anymore for a year. We still kept in touch, tho not as much as we used to. Eventually, I came back and since we were still in the same school we would still have lunch together quite often but less than before and I thought I was now over her, even more so when I didn’t even think of trying anything after she broke up with her boyfriend. Skip a year ahead and now we’re not in the same school anymore and don’t talk as much except for the occasional spur of conversation for a while. A week ago now we’d made plans for me to go visit her and spend the day with her and cook lunch at her place. Now I was supposed to take the train tomorrow to go see her but she just texted me saying that she wasn’t feeling well since yesterday and that we would have to postpone. Now I’m not upset with her in the slightest and I definitely understand that. However, as I read her message I couldn’t help but feel so sad and lonely. I was looking forward so much to seeing her that I just spent an hour reading old text messages we’d sent each other. And now my reaction to not being able to see her tomorrow is making me question whether or not I might actually still have those same feelings I had for her.
I honestly don’t know what to do, I want to tell her how I feel but I’m afraid of what would happen to our relationship if she doesn’t feel the same way about me. Any advice on what I should do?
TL/DR: In short, I’ve been friends with her for 5 years, and I had feelings for her at first, but she was in a relationship and I thought I got over her but now I think I might still have feelings for her.