This summer, I (27M) had a huge crush on a girl (25F). I confessed my feelings to her two months ago. It turns out she also had a crush on me, which made me happy, but she admitted she wasn’t ready to be in a relationship. At first, I thought it was okay, normal even, and I also wanted to take my time because we didn’t know each other that well. Since then, we continued to see each other quite often. She talked about her past experiences (both love and casual encounters), which made me feel a bit uncomfortable naturally, but I’m mature enough to handle it. We spent a weekend in Portugal, where I truly felt mutual love, it was magical. Then recently, we had an accident when we discovered she was pregnant. My initial reaction was to tell her that part of me wanted to keep it, but it wasn’t the right timing. I let her decide whether to have an abortion or not, emphasizing that I would be happy either way. She decided to have an abortion too.
I was quite distant at first because I didn’t want to be in a relationship and didn’t want to pressure her. But the day before the appointment with the gynecologist, she broke down in tears because she wanted me to be there for her (which I also wanted but didn’t do to respect her choice). Eventually, I stayed with her during the process, and it went well. Then she flew to spend Christmas and New Year’s with her family. We parted on a loving note (we kissed before her departure, and she said she would miss me a lot). Over the phone, I admitted to her that I felt a little sad about her stance of not wanting to be in a relationship, especially because her previous casual partner had contacted her, and she told him she was in the country. She said she wouldn’t do anything with him but mockingly told me to use a condom when seeing a friend. After that, she sent me a hurtful message saying she’s not ready and it’s better for each of us to go our separate ways. She regretted her message, and we spent some unhappy days. I ended up apologizing for pressuring her by expressing my sadness and told her I thought I was ready to see her only as a friend, but maybe it’s still a bit early.
I don’t know what to think anymore, especially since I’ve hardly ever felt such intense grief, which is preventing me from functioning normally in my daily life. What should I do? Should I give up on her or keep trying ?
# TL;DR:
I developed strong feelings for a girl who liked me back but wasn’t ready for a relationship. We spent time together, had a special trip, and then she discovered she was pregnant. I supported her decision for an abortion but distanced myself to avoid pressure. She wanted my support during the process, but later said she wasn’t ready for a relationship, causing confusion. Now, I’m struggling with intense grief and don’t know if I should continue pursuing her or move on.