This is a very long story and I don’t even know where to even start… My bf and I been together for 2 years and we live together for 1 year. We had our bumps in the relationship but mainly everything was fine. He has an interesting past to say the least. Before we met he went on or\*y parties and different kind of BDSM parties and had various partners. On the other hand I’m nowhere near him in this matter. I had 2 boyfriends before him and that’s all, never even had a single one night stand or anything like that. So it was kinda hard to swallow but we talked through this. I’m also into BDSM tho and our bedroom life is good, we are both kinky and complement each other, our dynamic is good.
So. Another subsection. My bf had a 10 years old relationship but eventually his ex broke up with him. It was a very low point in his life and to cope he went to those kind of events I’ve mentioned earlier. He said that he was always curious about these kind of stuff and wanted to try. Okay. There he met a girl, they got close and attended closed or\*ies together. She was my bf’s dominatrix… She had my bf’s chastity keys and stuff like that… Yeah. It’s hard to think about this and write it down. He told me about this girl and his past, and said that he is very grateful to her because she helped him through his lowest point in life, which I get…I guess…
When we met he was no longer attending those parties although he got invited and got tempted but eventually said no, because of me… Okay. It was on the beginning of our relationship.
Since then I’ve caught him texting her sometimes. It was mainly “Merry Christmas” and ‘Happy new year” texts. Also, on our first New year’s eve together I got shamefully drunk and while I was vomiting he was texting this girl writing “Happy New Year, Goddess!<3” Fu\*cking goddess, that’s how he used to call me, but now I hate it. Btw her name in his contacts is still “Goddess<3” :))) I didn’t confront him about this tho, but I saw the messages. He told her that he has a gf and that’s why he is not going to parties anymore. The girl was kinda bothered and didn’t like his answer.
Today I got a gut feeling and went through his messages while he was sleeping (yes, i know i shouldn’t) and I found new messages with her. It was again a “merry christmas” and some friendly chit-chat saying how much they like to talk witch each other and the girl said that he would like to stay in contact more… My bf said nothing about this to me and it sucks. My bf’s replay was he doesn’t know how would his gf react texting a “goddess like you”. Then she asked if we are still together and he said yes, he is living “his loyal life”. The girl replied that this sounds boring, to which my bf wrote “it’s a matter of point of view”. It stung hard.
I don’t know what to do. I thought we were fine. He showers me with love and support. I know that it’s not cheating but still sucks and don’t know what should be my next move… It bothers me hard. Should I tell him? How? I’m also thinking about breaking up, since it starts to be a little bit too much… I really don’t know
TLDR: my bf keeps occasionally texting his ex dominatrix and it bothers me.